MIND-LESS

"My mind is full, therefore I cannot think anything, and am free of worry and scare.  My mind is full.  No more room for thinking stuff.  I call it Mindfulness.  

I am going for mind-less-ness.  Less mind, more now stuff.  Now is always available and here by my side.  Since my mind is full, I can use time to reach out to others all around me. 

I can help fill their minds with hello's, I like you's, and recognition of what they bring by being alive  I can reach in behind the public curtain, and silently say, "I see you."   There is nothing you have to do, or say.  "I see you anyway." 

CHILDREN AND ENERGY FIELDS

 I am reminded of a 14 year old girl I met with her mom some years ago.  As a family therapist, the mom brought her daughter to me  because the school "was having trouble with her." 

With the two of them sitting in front of me, the mom explained the difficulties the teacher was having with her daughter Nancy.  As the mother talked, I noticed Nancy starng at the floor, and occasionally glancing up to look at me, or around me. 

After a couple of minutes, I gently interrupted the mother and quietly asked Nancy if she was seeing something. 

"No," Nancy said almost inaudibly.
"If you are seeing something," I asked, "I'd like to hear it." . 

My voice was inviting rather than probing. 
"Well, I do see something."
"Even though it might not make sense to you," I asked, "what do you see?"
Nancy's head raised up, her eyes widened, energy poured in as she sat up straight. "Well, I see colors around your head." 

"What colors do you see," I asked.
"Well, I see some violet around the top of your head, and some blue down lower.........."

And she continued.

"You are seeing the energy field, the aura, around people. That is your gift.  It is real." 
I went on to describe the aura. 

Nancy smiled a big smile and looked at her mom.  Her mom was smiling too, although she knew little about energy fields or the aura she understood. 

They both cried.
The next day, the mom searched out a school with a teacher that also saw energy fields and the aura.

She withdrew Nancy from her current school that day. 

ALL CHILDREN ARE HONOR STUDENTS

"All children are honor students.   Why not?  All children belong here.  They didn't come here to make trouble, or cause disturbance, to be mean, to be labeled slow, to constantly be compared to others, or even be required to compete against friends.

Children are not deficient in anything, except maybe some specific vitamin.. Deficiency is someone elses belief of what should be.   Could it be that children, including us at one time, maybe even now, simply want to connect with people, to use themselves in their own way....a way that is creative, of value to others, and ultimately appreciated for who they are inside, not how they perform for the approval of others? 

 It seems, and probably really true, that what the world requires is the ability for children and big people to see through not only their own eyes, but through the eyes of others, to care about relationship more than being right, to feel comfortable with difference, and to value trusting oneself –
thus, possibly avoiding the next war, or belief that “they” or “them” out there are an enemy.

Maybe even the people closest to us don’t need to change either. The change could simply be our own. That would be a relief." 

SACRED WORDS OF CHILDREN EVERYWHERE

 Include me before making decisions that affect me.

 Do not throw anything away that belongs to me, unless I am asked first.   

Find out what my experience is like with the teachers in school, and believe me.  Take action if necessary.  Stand up for me too, as a person.

Talk to me in the same voice you talk to adults with

Respect my interests even though they may seem just cute to you

Do not refer to me as a "terrible two" person.   See me as a whole feeling person when I am a teenager.  I am more than  raging hormones or "just a teenager."  I will do the same for you no matter what your age.

If you are afraid for me, tell me so honestly with your heart.

Do not punish me ever.  Teach me.  Hold me.  Love me. Trust that I, just like you, want to do what is right, and don’t want to hurt anyone.

Help me understand what I don’t know.  Don't call me names, or label me or compare me, or make me compete for anything.  Help me cooperate and collaborate.  Be the example for me.

Hug me, Kiss me, and Hold me a lot.  Be kind with your smile.  It’s all ok.

If you are upset with something in your life, know when you are upset.   Don't be angry with me or blame me, or judge me.  If you want me to know something and hear you, notice your voice and angry or judgmental thoughts before you give them to me.  I, like you, do not feel good when I am admonished, made wrong or blamed.  It just doesn't feel good.  I want to hear and understand you.  I like being connected.  

If you feel embarrassed by something I am doing, hug me.  Come closer.  I am being myself completely.  If I need to be more aware of others, I want to know that.  I can hear your kind voice remind me.      

When you are with me, be completely with me.  If you are in your thoughts, pretending to be with me, then you are not with me at all.

Treat me exactly like you would want me to treat you.  Exactly.

Assume that I “see” everything.  I am exquisitely sensitive and can feel pretense, falseness, and hidden agendas.  I can also feel love.

Know when you are sarcastic.  Sarcasm is mean and creates distance, hurt and separates us, almost without noticing.   Humor brings us together. 

If I am fidgety, seem bored, have difficulty sitting still, talk too much, appear to have a short attention span, please join with me.  Ask me, with an attitude of wonder, what my experience is in the classroom, or wherever I appear to not want to be.  I am not ADD or ADHD, or any diagnosis.  I simply want to be where there is life, movement and creativity happening. (ask me what I mean by all this).  Together, we’ll find understanding.

    
When it looks like I am having, what you call a tantrum, it is all I know  to do to make contact, to be heard, to be taken seriously, to be held.  I am not wanting to bother anyone, or cause trouble

I am naturally creative.  Notice how I make things out of leaves, or sticks, or bubbles, or crayons. Notice how I like to climb and explore, and discover everything all at once. Listen to my imagination at work.  That's not just kid stuff. That is what you might do too if you would join with me.

 Sometimes, I know what to do without reading written instructions.  I don't have words for it, I just know.  I have the ability to see how things go together.  I may do things differently than the way you learned.  That's ok.  Both ways may work.  And anyway, I have fun finding my own way.  The destination don't matter that much.

No matter how old I am: (three years old, sixteen, or forty-five), I am not intending to deceive you, take advantage of you, use you, or disrespect you.  If you have those thoughts or the belief that I am "asking too much," that is not my intent.  I am really, searching out ways to make contact, and to be with you, for you to acknowledge my presence.I am wise. I know things.  I see things.  I naturally know what I need to know.  I believe and trust myself and my intuition. Unless I learn to not trust myself.   I have to be taught from the outside to not believe the truth of things. I may take longer than you completing something.  That is because I am in no hurry to get anything done. I haven't learned yet that hurrying, being busy and always anxious, are fun.

I do not need you to always say Yes to me.  Actually, yes or no don't matter.  What matters is how you hold me in your heart, how you see me, and your appreciation for me.  'Cause when you appreciate me, and see through my eyes too, a yes or no will always be the right thing for both of us.

I do not need you to be with me.  I need you to be with yourself.  When you are with yourself, you are with me.

When I cry, I am feeling.  Crying can be like sneezing, feeling close to you, singing or running.  It is just my body expressing itself.  I might have been sad, or hurt or afraid.  When I am feeling in my body, I am relieved.  I have few words.  All you need do is be present with me, so that I know you are there, but not trying to stop me, make me feel better or fix me.  Being with me is good enough.

I sometimes feel safe in the world.  Sometimes I don't.  If I feel or sense something, and others don't, (maybe even make fun of me), I get even more scared.  I can feel so alone and wrong.  It helps when you take me seriously, regardless of my age, and ask me more questions about what I “see,” feel or sense.  I might be seeing something you need to know.

I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be "raised" and taught, and taken to activities.  I am not, by accident in your life.  Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message:  slow down.  Feel.  Be. Over and over again.  When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life.  Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.

 "Be yourself, and if you don’t know for sure what   yourself is, ask me."  

--

 

FREE FROM FEAR

I've been afraid of fear.  Fear itself.  I thought it was people, or events or unknown stuff that I was fearing.  I thought it was doing things that were new or a belief that I would not be able to show up with myself, that I was afraid of.

I attached my fear to events, people, emotions, future thoughts, past thoughts and
all kinds of whatever's.  There is another level.  Being afraid of fear.  Judging fear.  Blaming fear.  Not wanting fear to exist or to be felt.  

Children are fearless.  Totally and completely fear-free, except in moments.  But that isn't fear, that is "Huh?" or momentary scare---a physical body's natural and instinctive response to protecting itself or someone else.  

 Fear is an entity that is taught.  Unaware Fear keeps me separate from you, from others, from myself.  Fear, quite naturally, feeds on more fear.  Fear is a teacher, a mentor, a reminder that everything is whole.  Everyone out there is also filled with fear.  Fear communicates and recognizes fear anywhere.  It feeds on it.  It is not bad nor good.  Sometimes, fear hangs out in body symptoms, or recycling thoughts. 
 
There are few words for the fear.  What is its purpose?  Fear takes us over, either in thoughts, or body symptoms.Or both.  We cannot fight our way out of it.  It is not meant to be fought out of.  It is to be recognized.  Even then, fear will step in and drop out of sight and awareness, leaving only its shadow to continue its evolution and purpose.

Is fear evil?  No.  Is fear an enemy?  No.  Anger is filled with fear.  Love is filled with fear.  Fear that I will lose the love feeling.  I even fear, as these words come through me, that I will not be able to see fear from the outside, or ever be free of it.  Or to observe it, yet not being part of it.  

Fear is almost like air, or oxygen, or food.  And the food is the belief and familiarity of fear in the body and thoughts.  What is its purpose?  What is its purpose?  How do I separate myself from believing in fear as an entity, and a natural daily world experience?  

It tends to seep in without warning.  Yet there is a warning.  The warning is
the fear itself.  The thoughts that surround the fear.  Fear enters through learned beliefs and familiarity of those beliefs.  Children are free of it.  They do not naturally carry it in their bodies until they "believe they should" They Almost feel guilty if there is an absence of guilt, or fear, or what they think they should feel.

Who or what, is fear-free?  (Free of fear).  What exists in the world around us that is fear-free?  Most Children at birth are, and people unexposed to the daily life and ritual of women and men-made beliefs,   

Who is fear?  What is it as an entity?  How do I free myself from fear, yet be afraid at times of what is happening now, in the moment?  Fear is like a form of government that controls its subjects.  If I believe this, now what?  What actions can I take instantly when I want to step away from a familiar fear sensation that I[ve learned to believe is necessary, familiar and natural,.

Even right now in this moment, I can feel the familiar fear within me?  It is like a glue that holds me in place.  I have to either scream it away, cry it away or anger it away, or stop believing it, even for moments.  

Maybe my first step is to realize what I just realized.  Fear thought steps in now to inform me that there really is no answer.  "You are fooling yourself.  You are
stuck with it," is says.  .

But, my awareness of this process, to this point, is enough.  It is enough.  It is enough.
The rest of the information for fear freedom, comes in silently at night, while sleeping or suddenly, unexpectedly, without warning.  Fear has a natural purpose, like a petty tyrant that will remain in control until recognized and appreciated as a teacher - like a martial art of awareness.  

I have taken it out of the shadows, my shadows.  There is now some light on the subject.
"I'm not afraid, fear is."  This is a good beginning, and maybe end.

       

WHAT I WANT

   I simply want to meet people I do not know.  I want to write.  I want to create a film.  I want to be still
inside.  I want to know that all is well everywhere.  I want to facilitate and speak with groups of anyone.  I want to use myself every day, and know that I am, even when sleeping.
   I want more of being still inside over and over again.  I want to live on a farm, or in the country or where it is quiet, and also enjoy the energy of New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles,  Tibet, Tehran, places I have yet to be, and even more -- even more: "knowing" that wherever I am is where I am supposed to be. That everything is happening as it should.  That I am always on time.  That I am always good enough, even when I do not think I am. 

   I want to surround myself with humans that care about each other, themselves, everyone else in the world and everything living, and not so living.  A beginning list for today: Luminara, Bruce Flagg, Bill Reese, Michael Jones, Carly, Joss, Mary, Letitia, Laurie, Boye, Meigra, Tess, Valerie, Erin.  All the Bob's, and all those that make eye contact and say hi. All children, the store clerks, even the dentists, and all those I know, and have yet to know, that can be with each other easily., and want to bring themselves to others and simply care about them.   That's all for this lifetime.  Then I will be totally satisfied.  I might even be satisfied now.  .

VOICE OF UNIVERSAL CHILD

SACRED WORDS OF CHILDREN EVERYWHERE

 Include me before making decisions that affect me.

 Do not throw anything away that belongs to me, unless I am asked first.   

Find out what my experience is like with the teachers in school, and believe me.  Take action if necessary.  Stand up for me too, as a person.

Talk to me in the same voice you talk to adults with

Respect my interests even though they may seem just cute to you

Do not refer to me as a "terrible two" person.   See me as a whole feeling person when I am a teenager.  I am more than  raging hormones or "just a teenager."  I will do the same for you no matter what your age.

If you are afraid for me, tell me so honestly with your heart.

Do not punish me ever.  Teach me.  Hold me.  Love me. Trust that I, just like you, want to do what is right, and don’t want to hurt anyone.

Help me understand what I don’t know.  Don't call me names, or label me or compare me, or make me compete for anything.  Help me cooperate and collaborate.  Be the example for me.

Hug me, Kiss me, and Hold me a lot.  Be kind with your smile.  It’s all ok.

If you are upset with something in your life, know when you are upset.   Don't be angry with me or blame me, or judge me.  If you want me to know something and hear you, notice your voice and angry or judgmental thoughts before you give them to me.  I, like you, do not feel good when I am admonished, made wrong or blamed.  It just doesn't feel good.  I want to hear and understand you.  I like being connected.  

If you feel embarrassed by something I am doing, hug me.  Come closer.  I am being myself completely.  If I need to be more aware of others, I want to know that.  I can hear your kind voice remind me.      

When you are with me, be completely with me.  If you are in your thoughts, pretending to be with me, then you are not with me at all.

Treat me exactly like you would want me to treat you.  Exactly.

Assume that I “see” everything.  I am exquisitely sensitive and can feel pretense, falseness, and hidden agendas.  I can also feel love.

Know when you are sarcastic.  Sarcasm is mean and creates distance, hurt and separates us, almost without noticing.   Humor brings us together. 

If I am fidgety, seem bored, have difficulty sitting still, talk too much, appear to have a short attention span, please join with me.  Ask me, with an attitude of wonder, what my experience is in the classroom, or wherever I appear to not want to be.  I am not ADD or ADHD, or any diagnosis.  I simply want to be where there is life, movement and creativity happening. (ask me what I mean by all this).  Together, we’ll find understanding.

    
When it looks like I am having, what you call a tantrum, it is all I know  to do to make contact, to be heard, to be taken seriously, to be held.  I am not wanting to bother anyone, or cause trouble

I am naturally creative.  Notice how I make things out of leaves, or sticks, or bubbles, or crayons. Notice how I like to climb and explore, and discover everything all at once. Listen to my imagination at work.  That's not just kid stuff. That is what you might do too if you would join with me.

 Sometimes, I know what to do without reading written instructions.  I don't have words for it, I just know.  I have the ability to see how things go together.  I may do things differently than the way you learned.  That's ok.  Both ways may work.  And anyway, I have fun finding my own way.  The destination don't matter that much.

I may take longer than you completing something.  That is because I am in no hurry to get anything done. I haven't learned yet that hurrying, being busy and always anxious, are fun.

I do not need you to always say Yes to me.  Actually, yes or no don't matter.  What matters is how you hold me in your heart, how you see me, and your appreciation for me.  'Cause when you appreciate me, and see through my eyes too, a yes or no will always be the right thing for both of us.

I do not need you to be with me.  I need you to be with yourself.  When you are with yourself, you are with me.

No matter how old I am: (three years old, sixteen, or forty-five), I am not intending to deceive you, take advantage of you, use you, or disrespect you.  If you have those thoughts or the belief that I am "asking too much," that is not my intent.  I am really, searching out ways to make contact, and to be with you, for you to acknowledge my presence.

When I cry, I am feeling.  Crying can be like sneezing, feeling close to you, singing or running.  It is just my body expressing itself.  I might have been sad, or hurt or afraid.  When I am feeling in my body, I am relieved.  I have few words.  All you need do is be present with me, so that I know you are there, but not trying to stop me, make me feel better or fix me.  Being with me is good enough..

I am wise. I know things.  I see things.  I naturally know what I need to know.  I believe and trust myself and my intuition. Unless I learn to not trust myself.   I have to be taught from the outside to not believe the truth of things.

I sometimes feel safe in the world.  Sometimes I don't.  If I feel or sense something, and others don't, (maybe even make fun of me), I get even more scared.  I can feel so alone and wrong.  It helps when you take me seriously, regardless of my age, and ask me more questions about what I “see,” feel or sense.  I might be seeing something you need to know.

I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be "raised" and taught, and taken to activities.  I am not, by accident in your life.  Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message:  slow down.  Feel.  Be. Over and over again.  When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life.  Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.

 "Be yourself, and if you don’t know for sure what   yourself is, ask me."  

--

 

TWO BIRDS AND A CROW

Two hummingbirds flew within two feet of my face as I was sitting outside, reading.  They appeared like twins, only inches apart, seemingly staring at me, getting my complete attention for at least fifteen seconds as they hovered in place.  Then, they were gone.  I was startled into the present moment.  My mind went silent.

Without attempting to give in-depth meaning to the event, I did notice I was free of thought as I continued reading.   Later that day, while riding my bike down a familiar street, my attenton was drawn to a big black crow swooping down from an overhead wire about fifty
feet from me, heading directly towards me at eye level and on a collision course.  He/he continued its flight path coming closer and closer. 

Expecting it to change its direction, the crow flew within a foot of my face before suddenly flying up and away, just missing my head by inches.  "OK, that's it,"my calm self said out loud. "Stay here, stay here.  Be present now, if only for seconds."     

ACTIVE VOICE FOR CHILDREN

In many cultures over the centuries, children have been marginalized and viewed as empty vessels needing to tbe filled with information, training, discipline and facts unrelated to their nature, their hearts, or their life purpose.  The adult world has often missed the person in favor of convenient labels and behavioral descriptions. 

If I slow down enough inside myself, I may explore how I personally view children and how "we" view children collectively.  What are our beliefs and expectations of children, educational systems, parenting and, possibly how our beliefs may interfere with easy harmonious, respectful relationships between children and adults.

I might even discover fresh ways to be with children and myself.  I could reclaim  my own sense of innocence, play and being present and real with myself and especially children.  I might even practice seeing through the eyes of children with a sense of wonder.  I could even ask myself "what would I have wanted from the adults around me, when I was a child?  What would have worked?  What would have been welcome?  

CHILDREN ARE FUNNY

What's funny about children.  Everything is funny about children. They play, they laugh, they hug, they kiss, they play more, and they cry when their bodies demand it. 

They communicate with people, dogs, cats, butterflies, bees, stuffed toys, pillows and
all so-called inanimate objects. 

They see things that we once saw but now tend to dismiss as not there.  They feel and sense things that we would feel too, if we slowed down and agreed to feel everything that was within and around us. 

The children, without being taught, care about everyone.Until taught differently, they see no separation between others and themselves.  They own nothing.  It is not mine, it is ours.  They have no need to own stuff.  Only play with it, study it, or hug it

Children really are funny, in the most positive way.  They can laugh and cry, always coming from the same internal source of expression.  Simple expression.   Children really are us externalized.   Children are a constant example of what we really look like inside,, whether we call them our own, or they’re free range children running through our lives……. having no need for adult identities, a public self, desire to look good,

impress anyone or have need to be right. 

Children are us, someone once told me.  Actually it was me that told me that. 

NORMA

My son and I went to a celebration/funeral today for a Native American/American Indian elder woman.  Her name is Norma.   Norma passed on, died, left this earth dimension in mid-June, 2015.  Her age does not matter.  

We met Norma five years ago when she volunteered to "teach" some students at his school how to make a Dream Catcher, something Native people often live with from birth. 

We only met Norma a few times, yet she often felt like "family."   I expected the church "celebration of life" to consist of a few people and family.  Instead over 500 people showed up,  people of different color, background, age and religion. 

We learned that Norma had led a life of connecting with people everywhere, dedicated to her five children, now older, and being an activist and advocate for all people.  She combined her Christian life with the ancient ways of Native Americans, specifically Apache. 

When I would sometimes sit with Norma, I listened to her stories of physical and emotional pain, her dedication to bringing about respect for everyone, and her great love for her family, comprised of grandchildren, and the children of others.  Norma insisted only that her children be of service, use no alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. 

She is an example of a human being that holds "space" for everyone.  Her daughter Andrea,  met Boye and I "one" time years ago.   And today, amongst over 500 people, Andrea, one of the speakers and singers at the celebration, hugged Boye and I, and remembered our names.

For me, I knew we were "seen" by Norma and family.  They saw who we were inside, beneath our outer personality, and ways.   

Norma and her family remember people.  They remember because they live out what they teach.  These five hundred people were part of her community of spirit. 

When I was eight years old, my father sat on the edge of my bed, as I was about to go sleepy time.  He
quietly started to

EVERYTHING IS ABOUT RELATIONSHIP

It was Linda Worldturner, an 18-year-old Lakota-Sioux Native woman who taught me that everything in life is about relationship, and, what that looks like when practiced daily.  Linda grew up on the Rosebud reservation in South Dakota.  Her home life was filled with alcohol, drugs, violence and stuff that can destroy the spirit.  Yet, for whatever reason, her spirit soared  

 

When I first met Linda at a unique program for, what were referred to as American Indians, I was just a standard white guy who grew up in L.A. on sandy beaches,long freeways and an awareness of Native people only from the movies.  Linda shared her life story once, and never again.  She didn’t need to.  Instead, she practiced connecting with everyone, even the all white staff that tended to hold Native people as needing to be civilized. 

By watching Linda interact with people of any age, color or racial belief, I saw what sacred looks like when practiced, and lived.  Relationship, I learned, wasn’t just about getting to know someone, or living with another person.  It is a way to be in life daily with all people, all the time, everywhere.  Without using or thinking the word sacred, I came to practice, more often, relating to people as sacred no matter what they believed, or who they were. .   

Linda never spoke of these things.  She simply smiled often, looked into your eyes and and cared for everyone. 

 

ARMEN: BIG BOY RESTAURANT

My son and I were in Bob's Big Boy restaurant in Burbank, near Los Angeles, a place that's been there for over sixty years, and is a hangout for everyone, including movie people and lots of non-movie people.  

We go once a week and have a favorite server named Armen.  When we arrive, and it's
crowded, we ask to wait for his table.  When he was told we were waiting for an open table with Armen, he came over to us, and apologized for not having a table available.
"We will wait for a table of yours to open up." 
"No, no," he said, "I don't want you to wait 20 minutes."

We insisted we wanted to be with him, and waiting was just fine.  "No, no, I can't have you do that," he insisted in a voice of caring.  "I feel guilty keeping you waiting."

Minutes later, he returned to tell us he had asked another server to turn one of his tables over to Armen so we could sit right away, and he could serve us.

We took the table, sat down, and Armen came over, during the crowded lunch time, remembered our order exactly (well scrambled eggs and hash browns with fruit), from a week ago, and with tears in his eyes, said, "Thank you.  You guys mean so much to me."  In the midst of lunch time crowd, we held hands.  He had tears.  He knew he mattered to us more to us as a person, more than the timing.   We had just met Armen the week 
before, just one time.  The food was secondary to us.  The relationship with Armen was primary. 

       

The Rabbi

I was hired as the director for a Jewish Temple Day camp in Los Angeles when I was 21.  Some of the campers were Jewish, and most were something else.  The 65 campers ranged in age from 6 to 14. 

I got to hire the 10 women and men counselors, and I was also the driver of the 65 passenger bus that took them to the beach, and all kinds of interesting places around Southern California.  I loved it.  All the counselors I hired were people-people. 

At the end of one day, before dropping the young people off at their homes  I first stopped by to see the Rabbi at the Temple to check on the schedule for the next day.  I left the bus waiting at the curb with the 65 campers plus 10 counselors.   "Bruce," the rabbi began, "When you drop off the seven-year old negro boy, tell him he cannot come back any more. Don't tell him why." 

”Tell me why,” I asked. 

"Because some of the parents said they did not want their children around negros, and

would withdraw their children." 
"No," I replied, "I will not do that." 
"It's a business decision," he said.  "We have to stay in business."
"I will not do that.  I will quit now if you ask again, and you can drive the children home and find another director.  With our history of being discriminated against and killed because we are Jewish, how could you even ask that?"

Instinctively, he replied with a standard business  response.  I was silent. He paused, and looked into my eyes.  In silence, he withdrew his request. 

I drove the "campers" home and the "negro" child got to return, and no parents removed their children over the rest of the summer. 

For me, I got to remove the pedestal  I carried about men and women of God   More importantly,I discovered a bit more awareness, and natural instinct to stand for, and with everyone, including the Rabbi.      

A BIKE RENTAL

My son and I went to Venice Beach near Los Angeles so I could rent a bike and he could simply step onto his skateboard.  An hour later, I returned the rented  bike and informed the business owner that the gears were slipping and not shifting well.  I asked for a credit.  He immediately replied, "No," and said angrily, "just forget paying me."  In the past, he had often seemed quick and sarcastic as his way of being.  " 

I walked away feeling not so good inside.  It wasn't a matter of who was right. I felt sad about the encounter.  By the time I got to my car a few minutes later, I know I wanted, and had to change how I felt,  and probably how he felt.  From the back seat of my car, I picked up a new copy of my book FREE THE CHILDREN, and walked back to the bike rental place. 

I found the man as he looked everywhere but into my eyes  "I apologize,"  I began, 
"for what just took place between us."  His face softened as did mine.  I handed him the
book and said, "I'm sorry.  I want you to have a copy of my book. You're a good man."   I apologized again.  Tears came to his eyes, as he accepted the gift and extended his hand to reach mine.  I had tears too.  My body relaxed.  I felt good inside. 

ORIGINAL ME

An adult person is a set of beliefs and behaviors, not our own.  An adult is self-perceived as a woman or man that behaves in specific ways.   She or he often speaks in a voice of authority, seriousness, and a language never quite their own.   Take the adult out of me, and what is left?  Me.  The original me, in my case, was when I was
12-years old.  I remember me.  

I freely danced, did hand springs, somersaults, rode my bike down hills that the adult would never do.  The 12 year old, yet to be adult me, laughed a lot.  Not at other people, but with them.  He found it difficult to take seriously much of what the adult me.......does.  Even spiders weren't that scary. 

COMPASSION FOR EVERYONE

 The "hate the Jews" experiences I have gone through as a child, (and sometimes still hear), allows me to know, feel and have great compassion for most others in the world that feel or believe they are not wanted.  

The traumatic mean stuff of my past, taught me compassion for others in the world that experience such hatred, marginalization, blame and never being heard or seen.  I've learned to see personal negative events as having "happened for me, not to me."  How did being treated so badly happen for me?  I learned to feel what people of color feel every day.  What women often feel when not "seen," nor respected, or just seen as bodies on  display.  Or what children go through when surrounded by an adult world that talks down to them, demands more, punishes them and teaches them "no matter what you do, it is never good enough."

When asked "what have you done with all those past hurtful experiences?  Therapy? Counseling?"  What I have done with all the past hurts, is learn to honor the feelings of others, with listening deeply, caring and joining with them.  The feelings are an inspiration to step into situations where adults or children are being marginalized with attitude, tone of voice or "make wrong."  I have learned how to, more often, find ways to bring people together, release my own judgments that often lie hidden in habit and familiarity.  I can still momentarily feel the past hurt in my body, release some tears and then appreciate that I get to still have tears and feel everything.  

When I'm lost in myself, (the poor me part),  I notice it, and give myself permission to honor "the poor me" too. 

TRUTH OF THINGS

A six-year-old girl sitting in the lap of her dad, both quietly talking, smiling and holding one another.  His voice is equal to hers, hers to his.  A quiet calm surrounds them.
 
They slowly get up from their chairs, open the glass doors, and walk outside to cross the street, holding hands.At a distance, they are one.  Inside me, I see the truth of things. 

TEN YEARS OLD AND COUNTING

When I was ten years old, growing up in Los Angeles in a regular middle class neighborhood with all white people, some who had problems =with Jewish people too, I met my first black person when she came to our home one day a week to clean for my mom.  Her name was Minerva 

  Minerva.  I didn't really notice her color in any significant way.  I just noticed she had darker skin, and I thought nothing of it at the time.  At 7:30AM on the one day per week she came to our small house, I sat with her at the kitchen table as she drank a cup of coffee, black with no cream, while eating a piece of toast.  We sat across from each other just talking and sharing.calmly and honestly. 

I had about 30 minutes with Minerva before I walked the two blocks to my elementary school.   Minerva was the first human being to "see" me.  She always made eye contact, and her voice remained even and kind.  She talked with me, not down to me.  I did not have words at the time for how she met me equally.  I only knew she was different than most adults who spoke to me as a younger person, not considered a full human yet.

At the age of 10, I learned how much Minerva was being paid for the eight hours of work on this one day, and her two hour roundtrip travel by bus across Los Angeles.  I immediately asked my parents to double her pay out of fairness and justice.  They did.  They listened to me.

Years later, when I was 23 years old, I received a phone call from Minerva's family in Los Angeles, inviting me to her funeral.  I lived 400 miles away at that time, and I didn't think I mattered that much to the family, for me  to attend the funeral.  I took the invitation as a "nice" thing, but not that special.   I later found out, that I was the only White person close to Minerva, and she had told her family about me. 

I was fortunate to go to the only high school in Los Angeles that had a blend of white, black and Latino students that simply came together without making it happen.  And it was my own experience with extreme prejudice at the age of five that gave me a sample of what it is like to be marginalized, hated and spit on for having an identity of being Jewish, something I was not aware that I was, when five. 

I soon learned how the dominant white world controlled things, and often made war on people of color, and did so believing they were right and justified.   I did get to visit Milton Anderson at his home with his family when I was 16.  Milton was another Black man in my high school. 

Then I went on to teach high school only to find the principal segregating the black students from the white students.  I did speak up right away.  I did lose my job, but that was OK.  Then I got to work among Native Americans for three years, and found the same marginalization, a word that seems too sweet for what was happening.   Again I spoke up and reached out, and lost the job, but gained many friends and fellow and sister lovers of people. 

Today, I can get angry and frustrated with the continuing injustice and ignorance around color, dominant cultures, and children everywhere. I am left with devoting my life to finding ways to stand with and for all people.     

In a dream I had years ago, my father, a man who died decades ago, stepped out of an elevator that had just descended, walked towards me at my present age, as I stood alone in an old wood paneled courtroom.  He walked right up to me, looked me in the eye, and said, "Your life is about fairness and Justice."  He then turned around, walked to the elevator, stepped in and the doors closed and he ascended. 

These stories keep me awake, and remind me to make contact with everyone I meet.
Even if just a simple Hi.. 

-- 

BEING A WHITE GUY

I am a white guy who grew up in Los Angeles decades ago.  My high school was the only one in Los Angeles to have a blend of people of color, and white students. 

However, I only came to know my first Native American person when I was 26 years old.  I had been teaching in a Fresno, California high school when I noticed all the Black students were in one classroom, separate from others.  When I discovered the principal was segregating the students, I brought it to the attention of the State. 

 I was a first year teacher, having just turned twenty-three.  Before notifying the State, each of the twenty two teachers agreed to share what they knew to the investigators.  Officials arrived.  A hearing was held, and I was terminated.  Afraid of losing their jobs, none of the twenty-two teachers spoke up at the hearing.  

 The principal remained for another 10 years.  The unresolved segregation continued.  I was still 23 years old, had one wife and two small children, and in search of a new job.
 
Of course, the termination was a blessing.  Not only did I find a job, I became aware that some people will stand up for others, and some are not ready to.  I was hired to "counsel" Native Americans and coordinate a government sponsored project to allegedly train young native people (Indians) to be welders and electricians. 

 I had never known a Native person except in movies.  I had believed that "Indians" were all the things that "white people" were not.  Soon, I discovered the meaning and practice of the word Sacred.  Soon, I discovered the meaning of Relationship and family.  It was Linda Worldturner, a Lakota Sioux 18-year-old young woman who told me, "everything in life is about relationship."  

My life changed.  For three years, I learned to transcend all my learned beliefs about Native people and culture, and instead found "home."  I soon became an advocate, among the all-white staff, for the 200 students from many tribes around the country. 
 
That advocacy role was a natural one.  I knew my time at this project was limited, yet 
the job and income was secondary to advocate for fairness and justice.  No choice. 

By this time, I realized that my work in the world was to find ways to bring people together, to see the third side to things, and to practice seeing, not only through my own eyes, but the eyes of others as well.   



 

WHO CREATED WONDER?

When I was twelve-years old, and in the sixth grade, something  happened to me, "or for me".  Without my permission,  my spontaneous self wondered about stuff out loud.  It all started when I was sitting in the classroom, quietly wondering, not aware I was doing something that had a name.  Until that moment, I wondered all the time, but didn't have a language for it.

I never thought to wonder about wonder.  It's what we did, kinda like breathing.  I didn't think about breathing,  it just happened.  Same with wonder.  I mean, wonder has no limits.

One day, my silent thoughts innocently burst out into the classroom of thirty girl and boy twelve-year-olds., plus one teacher.  My silent secret wonder emerged in sound and words for everyone to hear.  Like breathing,  I wasn't attached to my words nor asking for a response.  I remember the words really well.  In the middle of an arithmetic lesson, like an uncontrollable tapping foot, and speaking to no one in particular, and with no pre-thought, my wonder filled the room:   

"There must be something more to being alive than going to school, getting grades, graduating, then going to another school...or not, then finding someone to live with,having children, going to a therapist, getting a divorce, getting cancer, then dying.  If that is all there is to being alive,it ain't very interesting." 

My sixth grade teacher stopped her lesson immediately, stared at me with an expression of disbelief.  “What did you say?” she asked in a tone of, what I interpreted as awe.  ,"Wow” I thought, “she must be interested in what I said, 'cause she asked me to repeat it."  I had a momentary flash that she was impressed with my observation.   I repeated my words best I could, this time with a little more volume:

"There must be something more to being alive than going to school, getting grades, graduating, then going to another school...or not, getting a job, then finding someone to live with. having children, going to a therapist, getting a divorce, getting cancer, then dying.  If that is all there is to being alive, it ain't very interesting."  This time, believing I had said a good thing, I added, "Actually, this also sounds meaningless and boring."

My teacher reacted differently than I expected.  She walked over to my desk, grabbed my arm tightly, and walked me down the long hall to the principal's office.  “He disrupted the class,” she said, and repeated some of  my words, out of context as I remember.  I was questioned, recommended for counseling, and sent home. 

 I’ve always wondered about everything.  I didn’t know I was wondering.  It just happened without my knowledge.  I assumed wondering was what brains and heads did.  No big deal.   I didn’t even have a name for wondering.   

Thoughts just emerged silently and spread throughout my everyday world of play, thinking and finding the Yes in those around me.  I wondered who created God.  Who created the creator of God?  I wondered why we are all here on this planet, how did we get here, who or what runs things?  Because I thought these things, I thought everyone else did too.  Seemed obvious to me that everyone would think or wonder these same things.  I mean, I did.  

 

HAPPENS FOR ME, NOT TO ME (Pt 2)

At the age of 30,, I made a conscious decision to free myself from all the beliefs I carried, not my own.  And to grow past the need to react, blame and “’have to be right.”  I wanted to get free of the burden "of the psychology of things."   

I wanted to simply notice, and observe self-doubt as it flows through me, clinging to nothing, with no need, on my part, to cling to it.    
  

I decided to extract myself from the belief that my history was damaging.  Instead I realized that everything that has  happened in my life since childhood, happened for me, not to me.  Happened for me, not to me.  Joyful or painful, I got to experience what other humans might feel.
 

I could forever feel victimized and damaged, or find great compassion and caring for others.   Caring about, and for others, is easier and more satisfying.  

I decided I wanted to be present all the time.  I want to feel everything.  I want to be free of being at the affect of others.  I want to be available  for others.  I want to use all my senses, 

I discovered I am the one to be there, (or their) for others either with words, when invited, or in silence, or even better, by freeing them from the story I may carry about them.  This becomes a sacred journey.

WITHOUT CONFLICT, EVERYONE WINS

I made an agreement with my twenty-one-year old son.  It was one of those agreements where everyone wins.  Everyone is right.  And there is personal reward for both people. 

I began to notice that sometimes, in reaction to something he said or did, my voice tone would be judgmental, blaming, frustrated or disrespectful.  I was aware that I do not talk that way to other people. 

My son, in reaction, would quite naturally, react with a tone of explanation or defense, probably feeling wrong.  These mini-conflicts stood out as a pattern, an unnecessary one.  I wanted to change the pattern. I suggested a fun mutual agreement.  “I give you a dollar,” I suggested,  “each time my voice tone is frustrated, blaming or disrespectful.  And you give me a dollar any time you defend yourself, or instinctively defer to me."

He agreed.  Weeks later, no one owes anything to the other.  Now I immediately notice my "reacting" tone of voice in the first sentence, and he instinctively notices his defending or apologetic tone about to happen.  We then simply stop and smile instead.    

We relax smile and no conflict happens.  We don't go there anymore.  I "get to" remember to speak to him the same way I speak to others.  And he hears his defensive tone, before itis spoken.  It is this simple.  We play instead..