WHO CREATED WONDER?

When I was twelve-years old, and in the sixth grade, something  happened to me, "or for me".  Without my permission,  my spontaneous self wondered about stuff out loud.  It all started when I was sitting in the classroom, quietly wondering, not aware I was doing something that had a name.  Until that moment, I wondered all the time, but didn't have a language for it.

I never thought to wonder about wonder.  It's what we did, kinda like breathing.  I didn't think about breathing,  it just happened.  Same with wonder.  I mean, wonder has no limits.

One day, my silent thoughts innocently burst out into the classroom of thirty girl and boy twelve-year-olds., plus one teacher.  My silent secret wonder emerged in sound and words for everyone to hear.  Like breathing,  I wasn't attached to my words nor asking for a response.  I remember the words really well.  In the middle of an arithmetic lesson, like an uncontrollable tapping foot, and speaking to no one in particular, and with no pre-thought, my wonder filled the room:   

"There must be something more to being alive than going to school, getting grades, graduating, then going to another school...or not, then finding someone to live with,having children, going to a therapist, getting a divorce, getting cancer, then dying.  If that is all there is to being alive,it ain't very interesting." 

My sixth grade teacher stopped her lesson immediately, stared at me with an expression of disbelief.  “What did you say?” she asked in a tone of, what I interpreted as awe.  ,"Wow” I thought, “she must be interested in what I said, 'cause she asked me to repeat it."  I had a momentary flash that she was impressed with my observation.   I repeated my words best I could, this time with a little more volume:

"There must be something more to being alive than going to school, getting grades, graduating, then going to another school...or not, getting a job, then finding someone to live with. having children, going to a therapist, getting a divorce, getting cancer, then dying.  If that is all there is to being alive, it ain't very interesting."  This time, believing I had said a good thing, I added, "Actually, this also sounds meaningless and boring."

My teacher reacted differently than I expected.  She walked over to my desk, grabbed my arm tightly, and walked me down the long hall to the principal's office.  “He disrupted the class,” she said, and repeated some of  my words, out of context as I remember.  I was questioned, recommended for counseling, and sent home. 

 I’ve always wondered about everything.  I didn’t know I was wondering.  It just happened without my knowledge.  I assumed wondering was what brains and heads did.  No big deal.   I didn’t even have a name for wondering.   

Thoughts just emerged silently and spread throughout my everyday world of play, thinking and finding the Yes in those around me.  I wondered who created God.  Who created the creator of God?  I wondered why we are all here on this planet, how did we get here, who or what runs things?  Because I thought these things, I thought everyone else did too.  Seemed obvious to me that everyone would think or wonder these same things.  I mean, I did.