A KISS ON THE CHEEK

My father kissed me on the cheek just before I drove away.  He leaned in the driver's side window of my car and simply and gently kissed my cheek.  I felt his smooth cheek against mine, a familiar softness that brought a soothing feeling to my busy mind.   I was 23. 

A week later, I received a call from my brother that my dad had unexpectedly had a heart attack and died.  At his funeral, I was grateful that my last contact with him was that gentle  kiss.  As I listened to the kind words about him, I judged myself for not crying.  I thought I should be crying, yet I felt no tears.    

Decades later, I was staying with my 18 year old son in a big hotel in Los Angeles.   I looked out the window over the freeways,and realized that we were across the street from the cemetery where my father was buried.

I asked my son if he wanted to meet the grandfather he never knew.  "Sure," he said.  We climbed over a fence, crossed a wide street, then over an eight-foot high cemetery fence.  (They were closed on Saturday).   I had no idea where his grave site was among the thousands of headstones. 

Expecting a long adventure, we created a plan to walk parallel, searching row by row for his name among the thousands of gravestones.   One minute in, our search ended.  We looked down to discover my father’s grave site, his name and date of death inscribed in the stone.  He showed up unexpectedly.  My son stared at the stone.  I knelt down, my knees at the edge of the stone.   I read his name.  I cried.     

BEYOND HONOR STUDENTS

My child is an honor student...and so is yours.

All children are honor students.   Why not? 
All children belong here.  They didn't come here to make trouble,
or cause disturbance, to be mean, to be labeled slow, to onstantly

be compared to others,

or even be required to compete against friends. 

Of course, this is another perspective on children, and since it is my perspective,  I tend to like it a lot. 

Children are not deficient in anything,

except maybe some specificv vitamin.. 

Deficiency is someone else’s

belief of what should be

Could it be that children,
including us at one time, maybe even now, simply want to
connect with people, to use themselves in their own way....
a way that is creative, of value to others and ultimately

appreciated for who they are inside, not how they perform

for the approval of others? 

It seems, and probably really true, that what the world requires

is the ability for children and big people to see through

not only their own eyes, but through the eyes of others ….

to care about relationship more than being right,

to feel comfortable with difference,

and to value trusting oneself –

thus, possibly avoiding the next war, or belief

that “they” or “them” out there are an enemy.

Maybe even the people closest to us don’t need to change either.  The change could simply be our own.

That would be a relief. 

I am Bruce Scott

 

WORLD AND THE FIELD: A CHILD

Some children live in the "field."  Not the grassy field, but the bigger unseen one that surrounds all that we do.  This field is felt by exquisitely sensitive children and adults.  They simply feel it, yet often cannot identify or explain it.  As a result, they and others around them, might believe they are "too sensitive." 

Will, a seven-year-old boy, on the day of the Dark Knight theater shootings in Colorado, without hearing of the story, began to throw things in his home, a thousand miles away.  He screamed, ran around the house, swore a lot, broke things and seemed "out of control."

His dad, having just heard the story, came over to Will as he was breaking things.  He told him a 30 second version of the shootings...just a brief summary.   Will stopped immediately.  He came over to his father and they hugged tightly, closely, silently for minutes. 

Will cried.  The  father cried with his son.   In this moment, his father became aware that some children, even us, often sense or pick up events in the world that seem like they originate from within ourselves.   We have no explanation.   Often those behaviors that seem so disturbing are valid responses to pain, hurt and joy in the larger world.  Hugging, moving closer, and without having to know for sure what the cause is, and simply being silent with each other may be all that is needed.  Adults or children.

 Last Sunday,
my bicycle and I separated when it stopped and
I did not. 

  Physically, I am fine. The cuts and bruises have
healed rapidly.  Emotionally, the shock continues
one and off...in a useful way.  The last time I had
an owie or hurt is when I was 12 years old.  This is almost
a new experience for me to have felt so scared and
shocked.   And then to allow others to help me
and then receive it freely. 

I know when I offer help to others, I do it easily,
honestly and with "wanting to."  Whether it be physical
help, or emotional or simply being present, I want to.
When I am the recipient, I feel uncomfortable, probably wondering
whether I am imposing, being a burden....yet I can and will
receive it graciously.

Feeling my "being afraid," is yucky but welcome.  I honor it in
others.  It is sometime unfamiliar to me to actually have the real
fear come to the surface, and then be with it. 

Just need to say that I would love to come down again with Boye
and be with you, Jimmy Knight, and just be there.

love,
bruce
 

BEHIND BEHAVIOR

  
 "Depending on our belief, we, as children, came into this world involuntarily. We were conceived without our conscious consent. Some might say we chose our parents. And that could be true too. Either way, we got here because, in most cases, a female and a male wanted us to be in their lives for one reason or another.
 
 So, I suggest that we, as parents, teachers, psychologists and regular people delete the term "behavior problem."  These two words have become a common way to describe and identify little people, (the children), as they become older.  This is not a trivial thing. And it is not a right thing.
 
What is a behavior problem but someone elses judgment of my unwillingness to live, moment to moment, the way someone else believes I should. If, I as a little person in school, or at home, express my uniqueness, my creative energy, my spirit, do I become a behavior problem for you?"
 
 If that voice of the little person could speak, she might say, "I need to move. I need to draw.  I need to know what you are talking about, and be interested in hearing it.  But please, do not refer to me as a problem. I may be a problem to you because you do not know me, not inside. You are too busy to know me. 

Stop. Join me. Slow down. You will find there is much more to who I am inside, than a disturber. Ask me a question from wonder. Ask me what I want to know more about.  I will join with you as you join with me. We can collaborate. We can be allies."

BEHIND ALL BEHAVIOR

 "Depending on our belief, we, as children, came into this world involuntarily.  We were conceived without our conscious consent. Some might say we chose our parents.  And that could be true too. Either way, we got here because, in most cases, a female and a male wanted us to be in their lives for one reason or another.
 
 So, I suggest that we, as parents, teachers, psychologists and regular people delete the term "behavior problem."  These two words have become a common way to describe and identify little people, (the children), as they become older.  This is not a trivial thing. And it is not a right thing.
 
What is a behavior problem but someone elses judgment of my unwillingness to live, moment to moment, the way someone else believes I should. If, I as a little person in school, or at home, express my uniqueness, my creative energy, my spirit, do I become a behavior problem for you?"
 
 If that voice of the little person could speak, she might say, "I need to move. I need to draw.  I need to know what you are talking about, and be interested in hearing it.  But please, do not refer to me as a problem.   I may be a problem to you because you do not know me, not inside.  You are too busy to know me. Stop. Join me. Slow down.  You will find there is much more to who I am inside, than a disturber.  

Ask me a question from wonder. Ask me what I want to know more about.  I will join with you as you join with me. We can collaborate. We can be allies."
 

BEHIND ALL BEHAVIOR

 
 
 
 "Depending on our belief, we, as children, came into this world involuntarily.  We were conceived without our conscious consent. Some might say we chose our parents.  And that could be true too. Either way, we got here because, in most cases, a female and a male wanted us to be in their lives for one reason or another.
 
 So, I suggest that we, as parents, teachers, psychologists and regular people delete the term "behavior problem."  These two words have become a common way to describe and identify little people, (the children), as they become older.  This is not a trivial thing. And it is not a right thing.
 
What is a behavior problem but someone elses judgment of my unwillingness to live, moment to moment, the way someone else believes I should. If, I as a little person in school, or at home, express my uniqueness, my creative energy, my spirit, do I become a behavior problem for you?"
 
 If that voice of the little person could speak, she might say, "I need to move. I need to draw.
I need to know what you are talking about, and be interested in hearing it. But please, do not refer to me as a problem.  I may be a problem to you because you do not know me, not inside.  You are too busy to know me. Stop. Join me. Slow down.  You will find there is much more to who I am inside, than a disturber.  Ask me a question from wonder. Ask me what I want to know more about.  I will join with you as you join with me. We can collaborate. We can be allies."