ORIGIN OF THE UNIVERSE: EILEEN

Eileen was the owner of a breakfast coffee house across the street from the university in Albuquerque, New Mexico. One Sunday morning, Meigra, my partner, and mother of our son, drove three hours from Taos, New Mexico, where we had been living, and unexpectedly discovered this simple outdoor breakfast cafe by "accident." As we sat outside in the warm sun, a woman we did not know, walked over to our table. Standing quietly, she made eye contact, leaned slightly over the table and said, "I recognize who you both are." A long silence followed.

I thought about being scared, but instead, I was excited.

Her eyes were unlike any I had seen before. The pupils had a yellowish ring around the edges. She asked to sit down. Although this event could have seemed strange, it was not. "My name is Eileen," she said, "I'm the owner of this restaurant." At this early Sunday morning breakfast time, people were waiting in line to be seated. The restaurant, inside and out, was crowded with students and families waiting to be served. Yet, Eileen, the owner-waitress, chose to sit down with us for reasons we had yet to know.

Instinctively, I knew I didn't need to know. My mind's need to make sense of things was suspended. "I'm going to sell my restaurant that I've owned for nine years," Eileen began. "I'm going to Mexico this summer for two months and discover the origin of the universe. I will camp out on the beach." She paused, again looking into our eyes. We were both still completely present, listening deeply, attentive. In this moment, not making sense made sense.

"I want the two of you to come with me. Will you?" "Yes," we both answered immediately. She smiled and pushed her chair back to stand. She returned to supervising the kitchen and serving customers.

A week later, on a quiet middle-of-the-week day, I drove down from Taos to meet with Eileen again. We agreed to meet at a riverbank walkway running through Santa Fe. We spoke of the upcoming adventure to find the origin of the universe - exactly what that meant didn't matter. Nothing more was said, or needed to be said. There was an implicit not needing to know. Eileen agreed to meet one more time following week to plan travel details.

Returning a week later, I found her restaurant had been sold, and the people that knew her well had no idea where she was, or what she was doing. Friends that had known Eileen for the nine-year life of the restaurant, knew nothing of her whereabouts or her intentions.

A year later, I again tried to find her. No one had seen her. We moved back to California where I continued to teach some university classes, and facilitate couples and groups in learning how to "work" with themselves, and practice changing any given perception of the world and daily life. One day, in the middle of a so-called group process, I asked a woman who had volunteered to explore a chronic body symptom, "When did you first notice this physical symptom?" In the next few minutes, I found myself asking more open ended questions, focusing or tracing back when a specific symptom was first noticed, whether it be a body symptom or an emotional one.

Automatically, I found myself seeking out the origin of things - some event or trauma that may have taken place months or years ago, yet I had no hidden agenda or destination in mind. Nor was I thinking like a therapist or psychologist. I was simply being present and attentive. Within minutes, when the origin was remembered, the symptom or feeling was instantly relieved. Sometimes tears, laughter and shaking followed.

In a dream one night, it came to me that whomever Eileen was, real or not, I had been reminded to Not have to know the why of things, but instead help find the seed and origin of symptoms and events that consistently grab our attention.