ALAN BUTTON: THERAPIST/SHAMAN

For eight weeks, one hour per week, I walked around Alan Button's psychologist office, sharing my sorrows, sadness, and "what to do's." Alan sat on a plush leather couch with a notebook and pen in his hand, appearing to take notes. Therapy was a new experience for me. I was desperate for someone to talk to that didn't have opinions, suggestions, or need to take sides.

An unexpected divorce was happening in my life with two small innocent children feeling the pain, scare and hurt of it all. I was emotionally desperate, lost to explain why this was happening, and feeling no control over the events as they rapidly unfolded daily.

I reached out to a college psychology instructor who was also in private practice as a psychologist. I entered his comfortable office, and when asked to sit down, I chose to stand and walk around. Each week, I paced the room sharing stories, feeling things, and somehow, without knowing it, coming up with answers and sometimes seeing the absurdity of what people, including me, do to each other. in relationships. Alan, (Dr. Button), sat silently, never speaking or asking a question.

When the hour ended, Alan stood and we hugged. "See you next week Bruce," he would say, and I would walk away relieved and more peaceful. This same process went on for eight weeks - each time, I would walk around the spacious room talking and feeling, while Alan sat quietly on the couch taking notes . . . I think.

I could feel his presence all the time. I did'nt have words for what he offered, I just felt the emotional space in the room, his warmth and deep listening. At the end of week eight, I stopped moving around, and without hesitation, I unexpectedly said, "You know Alan, I'm done. I don't need to come back again." He put down his pen and notebook, stood and walked over to me. He looked into my eyes and said, "Bruce, you are the most self-actualized person I have ever met." I didn't know what self-actualized meant, but by his tone of voice, I could feel it was a compliment.

In later weeks, I realized that he knew that what I needed was silent space, to discover and explore internally. I did not know that. He knew that. That is why his only words over eight weeks were hello, goodbye, and his final comment. Had he attempted to diagnose, or ask probing questions, we both would have missed the point.

His relationship with me, demonstrated in later years, how I could be with others when I am seen as the therapist or healer person. I could simply "hold space" for others, and only sometimes, ask more questions.

Thirty years later, I called Alan Button at his home to acknowledge the impact he had on my life. He was now 82 years old. When I shared how he changed my life, he cried. I later learned that he had written a book in the 1960's entitled: The Authentic Child. His exquisite sensitivity, I later decided, was more of a Shaman's way - able to "see" clearly what people needed behind the story.