HAPPENS FOR ME, NOT TO ME (Pt 2)

At the age of 30,, I made a conscious decision to free myself from all the beliefs I carried, not my own.  And to grow past the need to react, blame and “’have to be right.”  I wanted to get free of the burden "of the psychology of things."   

I wanted to simply notice, and observe self-doubt as it flows through me, clinging to nothing, with no need, on my part, to cling to it.    
  

I decided to extract myself from the belief that my history was damaging.  Instead I realized that everything that has  happened in my life since childhood, happened for me, not to me.  Happened for me, not to me.  Joyful or painful, I got to experience what other humans might feel.
 

I could forever feel victimized and damaged, or find great compassion and caring for others.   Caring about, and for others, is easier and more satisfying.  

I decided I wanted to be present all the time.  I want to feel everything.  I want to be free of being at the affect of others.  I want to be available  for others.  I want to use all my senses, 

I discovered I am the one to be there, (or their) for others either with words, when invited, or in silence, or even better, by freeing them from the story I may carry about them.  This becomes a sacred journey.

WITHOUT CONFLICT, EVERYONE WINS

I made an agreement with my twenty-one-year old son.  It was one of those agreements where everyone wins.  Everyone is right.  And there is personal reward for both people. 

I began to notice that sometimes, in reaction to something he said or did, my voice tone would be judgmental, blaming, frustrated or disrespectful.  I was aware that I do not talk that way to other people. 

My son, in reaction, would quite naturally, react with a tone of explanation or defense, probably feeling wrong.  These mini-conflicts stood out as a pattern, an unnecessary one.  I wanted to change the pattern. I suggested a fun mutual agreement.  “I give you a dollar,” I suggested,  “each time my voice tone is frustrated, blaming or disrespectful.  And you give me a dollar any time you defend yourself, or instinctively defer to me."

He agreed.  Weeks later, no one owes anything to the other.  Now I immediately notice my "reacting" tone of voice in the first sentence, and he instinctively notices his defending or apologetic tone about to happen.  We then simply stop and smile instead.    

We relax smile and no conflict happens.  We don't go there anymore.  I "get to" remember to speak to him the same way I speak to others.  And he hears his defensive tone, before itis spoken.  It is this simple.  We play instead..