JUSTICE AND FAIRNESS FOR CHILDREN: beyond parenting

Children are one of the last groups in the world to require the support and awareness of the adult world to be seen and treated as complete human beings, whole at birth, exquisitely sensitive.  I was a "children" once and I always sensed when the adults around me were with me, not at me.  

Sexism and racism are easily described.  I'm thinkin' no label at all for young people, or younger people.  When I was a little human, as early as two years of age, I, like most younger people, could sense and feel when the big people around me
 

LISTENING ALL THE WAY IN

BLENDED COLORS

A seven-year-old African American boy was sitting across from his white mom, just a few feet away from me, in a coffee shop.  They were engaged in serious conversation.  She was listening intently, completely present with him, as his hands animated his words. They faced each other directly, their eyes in constant contact.  

At first, I simply appreciated seeing the blended color family being with each other.  Then my attention shifted to how their eyes met....how the mother was so completely engaged with her son and his animated way of telling her a story.  She was genuinely with him completely; her body posture suggesting she wanted to be exactly where she was. 

I saw no age difference.  I imagined what he or any child must feel like when an adult person, parent or not, is honestly present, and wants to be.  She was not only listening, she was hearing him with her eyes as well.  She cared about what he was saying.  No hurry.  No rushing.  No busyness....just her presence in his world...and his presence in her world.  She even leaned forward a bit to be closer to him.  

MIND-LESS

"My mind is full, therefore I cannot think anything, and am free of worry and scare.  My mind is full.  No more room for thinking stuff.  I call it Mindfulness.  

I am going for mind-less-ness.  Less mind, more now stuff.  Now is always available and here by my side.  Since my mind is full, I can use time to reach out to others all around me. 

I can help fill their minds with hello's, I like you's, and recognition of what they bring by being alive  I can reach in behind the public curtain, and silently say, "I see you."   There is nothing you have to do, or say.  "I see you anyway." 

CHILDREN AND ENERGY FIELDS

 I am reminded of a 14 year old girl I met with her mom some years ago.  As a family therapist, the mom brought her daughter to me  because the school "was having trouble with her." 

With the two of them sitting in front of me, the mom explained the difficulties the teacher was having with her daughter Nancy.  As the mother talked, I noticed Nancy starng at the floor, and occasionally glancing up to look at me, or around me. 

After a couple of minutes, I gently interrupted the mother and quietly asked Nancy if she was seeing something. 

"No," Nancy said almost inaudibly.
"If you are seeing something," I asked, "I'd like to hear it." . 

My voice was inviting rather than probing. 
"Well, I do see something."
"Even though it might not make sense to you," I asked, "what do you see?"
Nancy's head raised up, her eyes widened, energy poured in as she sat up straight. "Well, I see colors around your head." 

"What colors do you see," I asked.
"Well, I see some violet around the top of your head, and some blue down lower.........."

And she continued.

"You are seeing the energy field, the aura, around people. That is your gift.  It is real." 
I went on to describe the aura. 

Nancy smiled a big smile and looked at her mom.  Her mom was smiling too, although she knew little about energy fields or the aura she understood. 

They both cried.
The next day, the mom searched out a school with a teacher that also saw energy fields and the aura.

She withdrew Nancy from her current school that day. 

ALL CHILDREN ARE HONOR STUDENTS

"All children are honor students.   Why not?  All children belong here.  They didn't come here to make trouble, or cause disturbance, to be mean, to be labeled slow, to constantly be compared to others, or even be required to compete against friends.

Children are not deficient in anything, except maybe some specific vitamin.. Deficiency is someone elses belief of what should be.   Could it be that children, including us at one time, maybe even now, simply want to connect with people, to use themselves in their own way....a way that is creative, of value to others, and ultimately appreciated for who they are inside, not how they perform for the approval of others? 

 It seems, and probably really true, that what the world requires is the ability for children and big people to see through not only their own eyes, but through the eyes of others, to care about relationship more than being right, to feel comfortable with difference, and to value trusting oneself –
thus, possibly avoiding the next war, or belief that “they” or “them” out there are an enemy.

Maybe even the people closest to us don’t need to change either. The change could simply be our own. That would be a relief." 

SACRED WORDS OF CHILDREN EVERYWHERE

 Include me before making decisions that affect me.

 Do not throw anything away that belongs to me, unless I am asked first.   

Find out what my experience is like with the teachers in school, and believe me.  Take action if necessary.  Stand up for me too, as a person.

Talk to me in the same voice you talk to adults with

Respect my interests even though they may seem just cute to you

Do not refer to me as a "terrible two" person.   See me as a whole feeling person when I am a teenager.  I am more than  raging hormones or "just a teenager."  I will do the same for you no matter what your age.

If you are afraid for me, tell me so honestly with your heart.

Do not punish me ever.  Teach me.  Hold me.  Love me. Trust that I, just like you, want to do what is right, and don’t want to hurt anyone.

Help me understand what I don’t know.  Don't call me names, or label me or compare me, or make me compete for anything.  Help me cooperate and collaborate.  Be the example for me.

Hug me, Kiss me, and Hold me a lot.  Be kind with your smile.  It’s all ok.

If you are upset with something in your life, know when you are upset.   Don't be angry with me or blame me, or judge me.  If you want me to know something and hear you, notice your voice and angry or judgmental thoughts before you give them to me.  I, like you, do not feel good when I am admonished, made wrong or blamed.  It just doesn't feel good.  I want to hear and understand you.  I like being connected.  

If you feel embarrassed by something I am doing, hug me.  Come closer.  I am being myself completely.  If I need to be more aware of others, I want to know that.  I can hear your kind voice remind me.      

When you are with me, be completely with me.  If you are in your thoughts, pretending to be with me, then you are not with me at all.

Treat me exactly like you would want me to treat you.  Exactly.

Assume that I “see” everything.  I am exquisitely sensitive and can feel pretense, falseness, and hidden agendas.  I can also feel love.

Know when you are sarcastic.  Sarcasm is mean and creates distance, hurt and separates us, almost without noticing.   Humor brings us together. 

If I am fidgety, seem bored, have difficulty sitting still, talk too much, appear to have a short attention span, please join with me.  Ask me, with an attitude of wonder, what my experience is in the classroom, or wherever I appear to not want to be.  I am not ADD or ADHD, or any diagnosis.  I simply want to be where there is life, movement and creativity happening. (ask me what I mean by all this).  Together, we’ll find understanding.

    
When it looks like I am having, what you call a tantrum, it is all I know  to do to make contact, to be heard, to be taken seriously, to be held.  I am not wanting to bother anyone, or cause trouble

I am naturally creative.  Notice how I make things out of leaves, or sticks, or bubbles, or crayons. Notice how I like to climb and explore, and discover everything all at once. Listen to my imagination at work.  That's not just kid stuff. That is what you might do too if you would join with me.

 Sometimes, I know what to do without reading written instructions.  I don't have words for it, I just know.  I have the ability to see how things go together.  I may do things differently than the way you learned.  That's ok.  Both ways may work.  And anyway, I have fun finding my own way.  The destination don't matter that much.

No matter how old I am: (three years old, sixteen, or forty-five), I am not intending to deceive you, take advantage of you, use you, or disrespect you.  If you have those thoughts or the belief that I am "asking too much," that is not my intent.  I am really, searching out ways to make contact, and to be with you, for you to acknowledge my presence.I am wise. I know things.  I see things.  I naturally know what I need to know.  I believe and trust myself and my intuition. Unless I learn to not trust myself.   I have to be taught from the outside to not believe the truth of things. I may take longer than you completing something.  That is because I am in no hurry to get anything done. I haven't learned yet that hurrying, being busy and always anxious, are fun.

I do not need you to always say Yes to me.  Actually, yes or no don't matter.  What matters is how you hold me in your heart, how you see me, and your appreciation for me.  'Cause when you appreciate me, and see through my eyes too, a yes or no will always be the right thing for both of us.

I do not need you to be with me.  I need you to be with yourself.  When you are with yourself, you are with me.

When I cry, I am feeling.  Crying can be like sneezing, feeling close to you, singing or running.  It is just my body expressing itself.  I might have been sad, or hurt or afraid.  When I am feeling in my body, I am relieved.  I have few words.  All you need do is be present with me, so that I know you are there, but not trying to stop me, make me feel better or fix me.  Being with me is good enough.

I sometimes feel safe in the world.  Sometimes I don't.  If I feel or sense something, and others don't, (maybe even make fun of me), I get even more scared.  I can feel so alone and wrong.  It helps when you take me seriously, regardless of my age, and ask me more questions about what I “see,” feel or sense.  I might be seeing something you need to know.

I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be "raised" and taught, and taken to activities.  I am not, by accident in your life.  Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message:  slow down.  Feel.  Be. Over and over again.  When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life.  Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.

 "Be yourself, and if you don’t know for sure what   yourself is, ask me."  

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