HAPPENS FOR ME, NOT TO ME (Pt 2)

At the age of 30,, I made a conscious decision to free myself from all the beliefs I carried, not my own.  And to grow past the need to react, blame and “’have to be right.”  I wanted to get free of the burden "of the psychology of things."   

I wanted to simply notice, and observe self-doubt as it flows through me, clinging to nothing, with no need, on my part, to cling to it.    
  

I decided to extract myself from the belief that my history was damaging.  Instead I realized that everything that has  happened in my life since childhood, happened for me, not to me.  Happened for me, not to me.  Joyful or painful, I got to experience what other humans might feel.
 

I could forever feel victimized and damaged, or find great compassion and caring for others.   Caring about, and for others, is easier and more satisfying.  

I decided I wanted to be present all the time.  I want to feel everything.  I want to be free of being at the affect of others.  I want to be available  for others.  I want to use all my senses, 

I discovered I am the one to be there, (or their) for others either with words, when invited, or in silence, or even better, by freeing them from the story I may carry about them.  This becomes a sacred journey.

WITHOUT CONFLICT, EVERYONE WINS

I made an agreement with my twenty-one-year old son.  It was one of those agreements where everyone wins.  Everyone is right.  And there is personal reward for both people. 

I began to notice that sometimes, in reaction to something he said or did, my voice tone would be judgmental, blaming, frustrated or disrespectful.  I was aware that I do not talk that way to other people. 

My son, in reaction, would quite naturally, react with a tone of explanation or defense, probably feeling wrong.  These mini-conflicts stood out as a pattern, an unnecessary one.  I wanted to change the pattern. I suggested a fun mutual agreement.  “I give you a dollar,” I suggested,  “each time my voice tone is frustrated, blaming or disrespectful.  And you give me a dollar any time you defend yourself, or instinctively defer to me."

He agreed.  Weeks later, no one owes anything to the other.  Now I immediately notice my "reacting" tone of voice in the first sentence, and he instinctively notices his defending or apologetic tone about to happen.  We then simply stop and smile instead.    

We relax smile and no conflict happens.  We don't go there anymore.  I "get to" remember to speak to him the same way I speak to others.  And he hears his defensive tone, before itis spoken.  It is this simple.  We play instead..

THE PEACEMAKER / ELDER WITHIN

RELI w      I wanted to find the peacemaker, leader and elder within me. I wanted to be free of having to make others wrong, or right.  I wanted to be free of reacting, aware that reacting to anything is always up to me.  No one makes me react. I wanted to change the game of side-taking, and the need to judge others.  I decided it was up to me to make this happen.

                 There are actions I can take, all by myself, in all relationships at work, home, and in the world, that do not require anything from anyone else. These actions are simple, immediate and inspiring. I can witness the change I want to see in the world and at home immediately. I can feel the shift of perception so that my perceived enemies become my guides and reflected shadow. They become, in the truest and most real sense, my teachers.

My intent is to interrupt some of what I’ve learned to believe about women, men, children, schools, apparent helpless body symptoms, relationships, working, and simply being alive. I can practice ways to immediately alter and change conflict, admonishment, and "make wrong" into respectful voluntary collaboration. I can practice working with myself to be free of blame, "having to be right,"  or need to sustain emotional positions.  I can even find the third side to bring the two sides together. To make this happen, I first decide I want to, and can go beyond the impossible  Impossible is a belief.  The instructions are there to follow with intent, intuition and senses.  It is a practice.  Freeing.           

DE-ADULTING #2

I believe that our son was born to show me how to de-adult myself to reveal and unravel all the beliefs I learned that are not mine, beliefs designed to construct an adult -- serious, appearing to be confident, hurried, busy, someone else’s definition of success, a world with little room for play, innocence, spontaneity - yet filled with rights and wrongs, should's, rules, regulations and a belief that these adult people should be in charge of children, demanding and authoritative.

Our son, from birth on, would have no part of this serious diversion from life. He would have no part of it, ever.  And I have met many children who would have no part of it.  They often become the so-called trouble makers, drop outs and ADD/ADHD diagnosed.

 To stay personal however, from birth on, our son insisted on forcing me to change my perception, to play, to laugh, to un-serious myself. I was in training and fortunately, for him and for me, I knew that, and welcomed it. He first reached into the hidden softness of my heart, through my veils of hardness and learned beliefs not my own, when he told me, at the age of five, "I don't need you to be with me. I need you to be with yourself. When you are with yourself, you are with me."

DE-ADULTING

What if I de-adulted myself?  I mean, gave up the need to be an adult person, someone who carries the beliefs of a world around him, dresses a certain way, talks like everyone else, shakes hands when greeting others, believes that getting older and taller means less spontaneous expression, more seriousness, separation from the instincts that want to cry, sing, dance, play, and do things that are alive in my body? 

What if I listened to children in the same way I listen to adults?  What if nothing had to make sense, be logical, or even be acceptable to others?

One more what if.  What if I decided I was not an adult, a child, or anything labeled?  I was just me, the loving, sometimes sad, playful, compassionate, kind, sometimes mean, little big person that cared about others, sought silence amid the noise, hugged others, allowed my mind to wander aimlessly from thoughts to fear, to worry, and wherever it travels, yet tapping into a self-aware place within me that can observe from the "outside," and tends to believe that there is something right about everything, even when not knowing for sure what that may be, like a universal religion that believes everything.  

CIRCUMCISION

At birth, I was circumcised.  Well, so have millions of males around the world.  This is not a complaint or way to blame anyone.

 Just as females need not ever be circumcised, neither should males.  It came to me years ago that for a little child, a baby, a newborn person, to be greeted into this "other" world with someone cutting on their bodies with a knife...just didn't make sense.   

Again, I blame no one.  For some, it has been a long-held belief that cutting on a newborn little person is the right thing to do.  Yet, I wonder how this brutal act effects the behavior of males as they grow into bigger bodies, often carrying an unnoticed trauma in their bodies. 

No matter the reason, or explanation for, what I would call brutal act, I wonder if any human, woman or man, simply takes an inhale breath, and holds it unknowingly for years or forever.   How does this traumatic event, this inhale, surface in relationships, ways of being, or even feeling deeply. 

I have seen young ones at birth, slipping out of their mothers, being greeted with smiles, warm touch and an environment of welcome.  No one cut on them, only held them close.  Seems so simple to me.  To feel deeply and exhale freely is such a gift to women and men. 

CHILDREN ARE US, AREN'T THEY?

Children really are us.  We are them.  Children are like adult guides helping us to remember who we really are beneath our adult facade of