WHAT IS RIGHT ABOUT CHILDREN?

What is right about children?  I mean totally right?  Who are these little people that come in to our lives in a variety of ways?  They show up emerging from a mother.  They show up in restaurants, on playgrounds, in school rooms...everywhere.

They tend to run around a lot, create sounds that can be welcome or disturbing.  They have no limits to energy, laughter, play, spontaniety, limitless imagination, and trust. 

Who are these people that surround us in our homes, our daily lives, and in our thoughts and minds?  Why are they here?  We know why we are here, but why are "they" here?  Why do some big people welcome them with hugs, smiles, endless, wondrous play, even joy?  Why do some big people, parent or not, seem disturbed by their behavior, sounds, playfulness or inability to follow rules made up by the big people? 

I have an answer.  I think these little people in our lives, and out in public, are us.  They are the us we left behind, or at some point, went into hiding, when the big people in our daily lives, instructed us how to behave, to be silent, to speak only things that made sense, were logical and followed the beliefs yet to be questioned. 

I think our reaction to children, no matter their age, comes from beliefs not our own.  Beliefs that we took on believing others knew best on what a young human being is supposed to be.  We didn't know any better.  We sought out order, peace and fitting in with the adults in our lives.   The adults were passing on to us what they had learned was the right way to be and behave. 

If we got caught in that belief system, unaware we were, we created a curtain between other young people and ourselves.  We might still.  There is always an out to this story.  

Play.  First notice and unravel all the beliefs that keep us separate from children --from ourselves.  Assume that children, naturally, and instinctively, know stuff we are to learn from them.  Or rather, re-learn from them.  By Being with them completely. 

Big people do not need to control children.  We do not need to assume that they know nothing until we teach them.  We can assume we are the ones that can free ourselves from seeing the little ones as less than us.  We can assume, just for the heck of it, that they are showing us how to open our arms to everyone in the world, to require less control over others and our environment.  We can recover the us that still exists, wanting out,
wanting connection, wanting to care for everyone.   Wanting to engage.   

WHAT IS RIGHT ABOUT CHILDREN?

What is right about children?  I mean totally right?  Who are these little people that come in to our lives in a variety of ways?  They show up emerging from a mother.  They show up in restaurants, on playgrounds, in school rooms...everywhere.

They tend to run around a lot, create sounds that can be welcome or disturbing.  They have no limits to energy, laughter, play, spontaniety, limitless imagination, and trust. 

Who are these people that surround us in our homes, our daily lives, and in our thoughts and minds?  Why are they here?  We know why we are here, but why are "they" here?  Why do some big people welcome them with hugs, smiles, endless, wondrous play, even joy?  Why do some big people, parent or not, seem disturbed by their behavior, sounds, playfulness or inability to follow rules made up by the big people? 

I have an answer.  I think these little people in our lives, and out in public, are us.  They are the us we left behind, or at some point, went into hiding, when the big people in our daily lives, instructed us how to behave, to be silent, to speak only things that made sense, were logical and followed the beliefs yet to be questioned. 

I think our reaction to children, no matter their age, comes from beliefs not our own.  Beliefs that we took on believing others knew best on what a young human being is supposed to be.  We didn't know any better.  We sought out order, peace and fitting in with the adults in our lives.   The adults were passing on to us what they had learned was the right way to be and behave. 

If we got caught in that belief system, unaware we were, we created a curtain between other young people and ourselves.  We might still.  There is always an out to this story.  

Play.  First notice and unravel all the beliefs that keep us separate from children --from ourselves.  Assume that children, naturally, and instinctively, know stuff we are to learn from them.  Or rather, re-learn from them.  By Being with them completely. 

Big people do not need to control children.  We do not need to assume that they know nothing until we teach them.  We can assume we are the ones that can free ourselves from seeing the little ones as less than us.  We can assume, just for the heck of it, that they are showing us how to open our arms to everyone in the world, to require less control over others and our environment.  We can recover the us that still exists, wanting out,
wanting connection, wanting to care for everyone.   Wanting to engage. 

MOODS: CHANGING THEM

 I think that it is possible to change and shift perceptions moment to moment with a clear intent to do so.  I think we can be in charge of changing our moods, and fretting, and worry.   I think that it is not only possible, but easy. 

In the past, I had come to believe many things that I no longer am trapped by.  I can now move from anger to listening.  I can step back from reacting if I want to.  I can hold space for you or anyone, rather than make them wrong, if I decide to.

I can free myself from being at the effect of people around me......all the time.  I can always always be aware.   

Our bodies have taken on the habits and familiar responses to everything, and even our cellular parts have absorbed the belief that this is "the only way to be, feel and react."   How silly, me thinks.

Anytime I notice (and notice is the key word), that I am tense, not breathing, running a familiar scene in my head, I can pause, breath and do something different.....like hold space for what is taking place without reacting.   That would be acting from the Tao, the spirit, the sacred way.  And shifting my familiar justified feeling to simply being present, can feel like climbing the highest mountain, barefoot, in the snow, in the dark, hungry and scared and naked.

 We already do this some of the time, don't we?  Yes, we do.Just need more reminder.   All the interactions with people, the discomforts, the disturbances, the blame and frustration and judgment of ourselves, is what we learned from the everyday world.

I and we can step back from that learning every day, every moment.By writing this to you, I am writing this to me.   As Jonah said to me in Taos, "You think I am standing in front of you.  I am standing behind you so that you can learn about this part of yourself." 

Maybe that is what Love looks like.   It is less a romantic thing then a way of being. 

FREE FROM BEING RIGHT

We can end and dissolve personal conflicts with anyone immediately.  Conflict ends when one person steps back.  Deciding that I do not have to be right, defend my position, or explain my actions, can end any conflict, or simply avoid the conflict.   

I do not give up anything.  I do not win or lose anything.  I do not shy away from confrontation.  I simply decide I do not have to be right. Instead, I replace my familiar need to defend, explain and make my point, with listening and hearing the other person, determined to see "through their eyes" seeing what they are seeing, believing and feeling.  

 We can leave behind the learned process of standing our ground, and holding an emotional position, even though every physical body sensation, and reaction, is to do what we have always done.....make sure we are right and understood.  

  Or, the inspiration to be free of old stories, need to react, or even be understood, can bring immediate emotional relief, a lightness of tension, and bring inspiration to do it again, with the next potential conflict. 

  Adding the ingredient of holding no expectation of others, and a willingness to be free of making someone else wrong, or placing blame, brings immediate internal peace.  And more often, if not expected, the other person will join you, releasing their need to be right, and apprecaite having been heard, maybe for the first time in their life.  They might even apologize, or not.  Why practice this?  To be a bit more connected to others, no matter who they are. 

EVERYTHING IS FICTION

Some years ago while sitting in a coffee shop in Taos, New Mexico, writing a book I did not know would be published, a man and his wife walked by my table.  I recognized him as a well-known famous writer of books and screen plays, yet I was so completely absorbed in my laptop screen, lost in a story, that I did not completely take in his celebrity.  If I had, I might have been intimidated or a bit shy.

"Are you writing fiction or non-fiction,” this celebrity person asked.  Without thinking, I replied, "Isn't everything fiction?”  Surprised by my answer, he turned to his wife and I heard him say, "God, he's right. He’s right."  I went back to typing the flow of words emerging from somewhere within me.  For a moment, I was impressed by myself for coming up with that most clever response.

Ten years later, today, I was sitting in a coffee shop in Portland, Oregon, writing what seems to be transitioning into a book.  A man with a beard, and appearing to be a street person, or at least fitting my stereotype of a street person, sat down on the stool beside me. The smell of a cigarette smoker filled the space around me. 

“Hi,” he said, looking in my direction.  I noticed my quiet judgment of him, and at first, felt disturbed.  He sensed my thought.  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to disturb you," he said. “Go on and do your work.”  Hearing him, I paused and stopped typing.  I turned to face him directly. “You know, people are more important than machines.  I’m sorry.  I’m glad you are here and we can talk together.”  He smiled, revealing some missing teeth.  “Today is my birthday,” he replied. “I’m 50 today, and Starbucks has given me a free coffee drink, pastry and anything I want today.” He paused.  “Are you a writer?" he asked.

"Yes, sometimes I write."

"Are you writing fiction or non-fiction?" he asked, as though he knew the history of that question.  "Isn't everything fiction?" I replied.  We stared at each other.  His facial expression gradually transformed into a knowing smile, as though he knew the truth of those words.  I no longer felt a distance between us. He knew.  I knew.  “Thank you,” he said, then stood up, excused himself and went outside for a smoke.