FREE OF REACTING

I'm being serious.  I have almost mastered the art of not having to be right, or needing to react to others, no matter what.   I decided that Reacting to others is totally up to me. Not reacting is freeing and requires nothing of anyone else.  Not reacting is a third way to be in the world.  The first and second require taking sides, deciding who is right and who is wrong.  Not reacting, the third way, demands I see through your eyes and mine, simultaneously.  I do not have to woman up or man up to
stay connected, or in relationship with you. 

This third way is a relief.  I can go to a place inside me where I do not have to be right,  prove anything or even insist you hear my side of things.  I'd like you to. yet, if you are unable to hear me, or see my perspective, at least I can practice feeling old reactive sensations in my body, knowing I will be fine, and free, if I hold space for you.  Just hold space. Meaning, I will listen and hear you (for a few minutes), and hold no requirement that you be able to hear me.  The third way has no requiremnt of fairness.

This is my personal work.  It's about stepping back from learned beliefs not my own.  It is a daily practice.  It can be fun to go beyond what I think emotionally possible.   I am a bit more free now. 

LIVING WITHOUT WORRY

I have another intention now.   To not worry.  I admit, I worry about this one.  I worry about learning to not have to worry.  Worry takes up so much of my time even when I am not aware of it.   Then suddenly, I realize I am worrying.  It is such an endless going nowhere, process.

I learned to believe that worry is normal, natural and part of being alive....or not being alive,  Not sure about that last one yet? I asked myself, "what would I do if I Could not worry.  Not that I wouldn't, but if I absolutely could not worry if I wanted to. "I would just be here with what is happening in each moment," was the response.  The worry voice came in right away, "Oh sure, read another book about power of now, be here now, and stuff about being present.  Uh huh." 

I made a commitment, like an adventure, to free myself of worry.  Worrying feels like walking on water with lead shoes,  I decided to practice not worrying, or at least notice when I am. I’ve given myself permission to believe there is a way to go through the day without the act of worry consuming my energy. and listening to beliefs not my own.  Worry goes in circles and resolves nothing, ever.  Not worrying is an adventure in going beyond what seems impossible,

 It’s a practice, a personal skill of trusting that moments will happen no matter what I attempt to control.   The inspiration is to be free. 

CELEBRATE CHILDREN

The five teachers opened the parent conference for our 13-year old son with the words, "We are all meeting here today to celebrate  your son."  I welled up with tears hearing the word Celebrate.   No one mentioned deficiencies or how he needed to improve, or be better, think of his future, or in some way, not be quite good enough yet.  There was no mention of grades, tests, college or rules broken.  Then again, this school doesn't use grades to measure people.  They use relationship, creativity, respect, personal connection and engagement.

For ten minutes, with out son present, we heard what was right about him.  It was not so much the content of what they said; it was more their calm and soft tone of voice, and their way of seeing children and the world - people wanting to do right, to be connected, inclusive, kind and creative.

I wondered what life would have been like for me had all my teachers seen what was right about me?  Whay joy that would have been.  So, I can do it now myself for others.  After the teachers finished, I  was asked if I had any questions.  "There is nothing to add," I replied.  "For our son to be around you folks all day long is all I could ever want."  

BEING THE IMPOSSIBLE: CHANGE

"There is a place within us where our daily life story can only go so far.  Attempting to understand, work out, find solutions, and feel better about a person or a situation, becomes .........ummmm, boring.   If not boring, at least appearing to be hopeless.   Believing we are lost, struggling, and "not doing what we should be doing, or not good enough yet," becomes a daily worry thought.   It can take us over.  We tend to be so familiar with blame, fear and the belief that something is missing in our lives, that to do anything other than feel victimized and wronged, seems not only impossible, but not even an option.

   So what to do?  We can Switch movies.  Just like a multiplex theater.  We  be the change we want and expect in others, any others, the closer the better.  The practice is simple, yet can feel impossible--- outside the possibility of any human being.  

We decide to hold space for everyone, everyone--- no matter who they are, what they believe, or what we believe they have done to us, .  Being the change, all by ourselves, works immediately.  It is a Shamanic act.  You demonstrate by action rather than dialog.  Tension dissolves.  And when it does, you’re inspired to do it again.  It gets easier, and soon mind thoughts and words,  have less influence.  It is then that our  intuition, hearts, and knowing self, kick in automatically.

  Instead of "waiting," we lead by living it, no matter what.  No matter what.   Global warming "out there" becomes heart warming inside you."

BABY AND THE WORLD

So what does a father and his six-month-old baby have to do with what is going on in the world between countries, governments and political chaos?  They do.  They just do  A father walked by me in a crowded little cafe, pushing a traditional carriage with his young six-month old boy lying flat on his back looking up in wonder....calm, silent and, just there.

The scene itself wasn't unusual, except the father was calm too.  They matched each other.  As they walked by, the father was having a quiet, easy respectful conversation with the boy.  I relaxed inside just being around them. They were with each other completely, their eyes touching. I didn't hear the words spoken.  I simply noticed his soft voice, gentle and equal, as if knowing the six-month-old person was already a full, total and whole human being.   Size and age did not divide them.  In the midst of the busyness and chaos around them, they were with each other completely.    

Witnessing the dad and his young son, reminded me to slow down and be where I am, over and over again………..and how children and adults of any age, and size, can always be.  They showed up in my world to remind me to be still inside, and make connection with everyone, or know when I am not……so I can be still again.  The world "out there" will feel it, even if I don't fully believe it will.  

NATIVE AMERICANS AND WHITE GUY

I was just a white guy from Los Angeles, suddenly finding myself working among and with Native Americans.  Native Americans, of all ages, from many tribes. 

This was my first experience, knowingly, being around Native people.  I knew “so-called” Indians only from TV and films.  I was told by the administrators of this particular Bureau of Indian Affairs project,a program designed to re-educate Indian people, that they were a stoic lot, no sense of humor and needed to learn the rules of the work world and formal education.    

My story here is simple.  It is not a make wrong or blame story.  It is not about Native people.  It’s about me.  It’s about how I have lived since my high school years when I got to be around, know and befriend African American women and men, Latino families, and the ways the white buracracy, attitudes, and beliefs, often do harm to those not white, nor in positions of power.   Being around Native people opened my feelngs and compassion not only for people different from me, but compassion for myself, beliefs held about others that were not my beliefs.  Hurt I may have caused.  And may still. 

I see the world now as more about awareness, exquisite sensitivity to people and ideas that are not only different, but even strange.  Strange has became an adventure instead of judgment.  An 18-year old Lakota Sioux native woman, without blame, smiled, looked into my eyes, and said, “You white people.  You talk a lot and say nothing, then added, “Everything in life is about relationship.  Everything.” 

WHO ARE THE CHILDREN, REALLY?

Racism in the world demands justice and fairness.  Everything and everyone demand fairness and justice.  Children around the world, of all cultures, demand fairness and justice.  And what would that look like?  What about the concept of authority, parenting, teaching  and raising "them," ultimately being in charge of the children in our lives---our own, or someone elses?

Many of our ideas about children are rooted in the same kind of fear and beliefs that form the artificial division between people of different races, gender and religions ….the belief that those different from us, are less than, or in some way, so different, that we tend to marginalize, dismiss and patronize them, if not out loud, then in our thoughts.  These attitudes are not naturally occurring in children or us.  They are taught.  

If we wanted, what would it take to step out of our adult/parent/hiearchal roles and beliefs, to see clearly who children are behind their size, age and appearing to be, disturbing behaviors?  We were children once.  We noticed how the adults in our lives knew little about who we were, what we knew or how we felt.  .  It wasn’t that they couldn’t, they just didn’t know how.  And there is no blame intended here.  None at all.  They too, were following rules, beliefs, fears and habits they had learned from the adults in their lives. 

If we were fortunate, we had at least one adult in our childhood that saw who we were completely and equally; able to connect with us beneath our size and age.  If so, we can be that for all the children we meet and know and live with now.  Age and physical size do not automatically exclude children from choice, decision making, respect and freedom from condescending, patronizing attitudes. 

As we access our own innocence, lightness of play, sensitivity, spontaneity, and pure presence, that may rest dormant within our own bodies and minds, we can more easily be with the children around us – almost all children, with ease, humor, kindness, and, free from any role identity.  The children “out there,” are us inside.  When we do not know and feel that, we become easily disturbed by them.

It is fair and just that children be seen as whole, exquisitely sensitive, wise, highly perceptive human beings that are no less, nor more than the bigger, older people in this world.  As we free the children from our learned beliefs that may not be our own, we free ourselves.  We reclaim our own innocence, play and inclusion of everyone.  We become what we want to see in others, and in the world.