WORLD AND THE FIELD: A CHILD

Some children live in the "field."  Not the grassy field, but the bigger unseen one that surrounds all that we do.  This field is felt by exquisitely sensitive children and adults.  They simply feel it, yet often cannot identify or explain it.  As a result, they and others around them, might believe they are "too sensitive." 

Will, a seven-year-old boy, on the day of the Dark Knight theater shootings in Colorado, without hearing of the story, began to throw things in his home, a thousand miles away.  He screamed, ran around the house, swore a lot, broke things and seemed "out of control."

His dad, having just heard the story, came over to Will as he was breaking things.  He told him a 30 second version of the shootings...just a brief summary.   Will stopped immediately.  He came over to his father and they hugged tightly, closely, silently for minutes. 

Will cried.  The  father cried with his son.   In this moment, his father became aware that some children, even us, often sense or pick up events in the world that seem like they originate from within ourselves.   We have no explanation.   Often those behaviors that seem so disturbing are valid responses to pain, hurt and joy in the larger world.  Hugging, moving closer, and without having to know for sure what the cause is, and simply being silent with each other may be all that is needed.  Adults or children.

 Last Sunday,
my bicycle and I separated when it stopped and
I did not. 

  Physically, I am fine. The cuts and bruises have
healed rapidly.  Emotionally, the shock continues
one and off...in a useful way.  The last time I had
an owie or hurt is when I was 12 years old.  This is almost
a new experience for me to have felt so scared and
shocked.   And then to allow others to help me
and then receive it freely. 

I know when I offer help to others, I do it easily,
honestly and with "wanting to."  Whether it be physical
help, or emotional or simply being present, I want to.
When I am the recipient, I feel uncomfortable, probably wondering
whether I am imposing, being a burden....yet I can and will
receive it graciously.

Feeling my "being afraid," is yucky but welcome.  I honor it in
others.  It is sometime unfamiliar to me to actually have the real
fear come to the surface, and then be with it. 

Just need to say that I would love to come down again with Boye
and be with you, Jimmy Knight, and just be there.

love,
bruce
 

BEHIND BEHAVIOR

  
 "Depending on our belief, we, as children, came into this world involuntarily. We were conceived without our conscious consent. Some might say we chose our parents. And that could be true too. Either way, we got here because, in most cases, a female and a male wanted us to be in their lives for one reason or another.
 
 So, I suggest that we, as parents, teachers, psychologists and regular people delete the term "behavior problem."  These two words have become a common way to describe and identify little people, (the children), as they become older.  This is not a trivial thing. And it is not a right thing.
 
What is a behavior problem but someone elses judgment of my unwillingness to live, moment to moment, the way someone else believes I should. If, I as a little person in school, or at home, express my uniqueness, my creative energy, my spirit, do I become a behavior problem for you?"
 
 If that voice of the little person could speak, she might say, "I need to move. I need to draw.  I need to know what you are talking about, and be interested in hearing it.  But please, do not refer to me as a problem. I may be a problem to you because you do not know me, not inside. You are too busy to know me. 

Stop. Join me. Slow down. You will find there is much more to who I am inside, than a disturber. Ask me a question from wonder. Ask me what I want to know more about.  I will join with you as you join with me. We can collaborate. We can be allies."

BEHIND ALL BEHAVIOR

 "Depending on our belief, we, as children, came into this world involuntarily.  We were conceived without our conscious consent. Some might say we chose our parents.  And that could be true too. Either way, we got here because, in most cases, a female and a male wanted us to be in their lives for one reason or another.
 
 So, I suggest that we, as parents, teachers, psychologists and regular people delete the term "behavior problem."  These two words have become a common way to describe and identify little people, (the children), as they become older.  This is not a trivial thing. And it is not a right thing.
 
What is a behavior problem but someone elses judgment of my unwillingness to live, moment to moment, the way someone else believes I should. If, I as a little person in school, or at home, express my uniqueness, my creative energy, my spirit, do I become a behavior problem for you?"
 
 If that voice of the little person could speak, she might say, "I need to move. I need to draw.  I need to know what you are talking about, and be interested in hearing it.  But please, do not refer to me as a problem.   I may be a problem to you because you do not know me, not inside.  You are too busy to know me. Stop. Join me. Slow down.  You will find there is much more to who I am inside, than a disturber.  

Ask me a question from wonder. Ask me what I want to know more about.  I will join with you as you join with me. We can collaborate. We can be allies."
 

BEHIND ALL BEHAVIOR

 
 
 
 "Depending on our belief, we, as children, came into this world involuntarily.  We were conceived without our conscious consent. Some might say we chose our parents.  And that could be true too. Either way, we got here because, in most cases, a female and a male wanted us to be in their lives for one reason or another.
 
 So, I suggest that we, as parents, teachers, psychologists and regular people delete the term "behavior problem."  These two words have become a common way to describe and identify little people, (the children), as they become older.  This is not a trivial thing. And it is not a right thing.
 
What is a behavior problem but someone elses judgment of my unwillingness to live, moment to moment, the way someone else believes I should. If, I as a little person in school, or at home, express my uniqueness, my creative energy, my spirit, do I become a behavior problem for you?"
 
 If that voice of the little person could speak, she might say, "I need to move. I need to draw.
I need to know what you are talking about, and be interested in hearing it. But please, do not refer to me as a problem.  I may be a problem to you because you do not know me, not inside.  You are too busy to know me. Stop. Join me. Slow down.  You will find there is much more to who I am inside, than a disturber.  Ask me a question from wonder. Ask me what I want to know more about.  I will join with you as you join with me. We can collaborate. We can be allies."
 

WITHHOLDING JUDGMENT IS AN ACT OF LOVE

"So how can I be at home with my children, live a daily creative life, be in the world with others when I want to be with others, feel free inside, and voluntarily be available for those around me?  How can I feel and know I am using my creative energies all the time, absent the thought of sacrifice, guilt or belief I'm giving up something important to me?  One last "how can I."  How can I know what I'm doing, and who I'm being is for the highest good of everyone concerned?  What if, rather than be a good mom, father, partner, friend, or good anything, I see myself as the "elder" to all those in my life?  Not the elder in age, but in awareness, simplicity, humor, sensitive to others, able to lead as an emotional martial artist, victim only to my thoughts of believing I am a victim.  Maybe one more What if.  What if I knew that there is something right about everything?  Don't always know what that right is until minutes, hours, days or weeks later. 

What if I am willing to know, even if I don't believe it all the time, that I am capable of having room for all kinds of people that pass through my life?  Because I question everything, I believe everything.  I notice all the judgments of others that sneak in unaware, and I silently dissolve them so I can be present for everyone, including myself.  I know that personality, and who I think I am, are only the surface layer.  I can "work" on my doubts and fears, waiting for them to go away, or I can recognize I already am what I seek to be,and the doubts and fears can simply be observed, allowed to exist, and given a seat at the table.  It is true that "any withholding of judgment is an act of love,"

The world around me, including family,"friends," and perceived enemies, are only there to help me discover the vast ability we have to stay open to everything, especially people and events that make no sense to us.  This is all a practice.  The end result is practice.  Death is practice.   We can give ourselves permission to be stupid, smart, wise, brilliant, slow, good, bad and above all.....spacious.   Some around me may join me right away and say thank you.  Others may say "huh?"  Both are ok.

NOTHING IS WRONG: I WANT TO PLAY

Justin is seven-years-old and lives in Somerset, England, with his mum and dad and brother. Louise, his mum, emails me weekly, and calls once a month.  How we discovered each other is secondary to what she recently shared with me. 

Louise and her husband Jon, had been frustrated, with their young son Justin, constantly hitting them when he walked by.  He had been doing this for many months with no explanation.  Jon often reacted angrily, and in frustration, would punish seven-year old Justin. 

Over the months, she wondered what she could do to stop his hitting.....which physically hurt.  The family was in conflict with each other over how to treat Justin.  They thought of taking him for psychological help....wanting to fix him and make him better.  Friends suggested that Justin needed professional help.  Louise discovered the answer. The difficulty was not with Justin, but with she and her husband. 

After the last hitting spree, she calmed herself, found her neutral voice, and instead of reacting, she wondered what could be right about this ongoing pattern? 

In a quiet and calm moment, finding her own sense of wonder, she asked Justin, "What can I say or do when you hit me?"   Justin sat back with a sense of relief.   "Your voice. It's angry."
 
"Is there something I can do differently," she asked. "Yes, Play." 

Louise had tears of relief.  She realized that her young son wanted to engage with her and his dad.  He wanted to play.  He wanted his parents to be in the room, when they are there, not in their minds, thinking stuff.  "It was like he was saying, when you are in your mind you are not here."   The hitting stopped.  Now they play. 

"How simple," Louise wrote me.  "He is so in his body, like most children are.  They want to feel their bodies, to move and connect with others.  That is their job.  How so very simple. Louise then turned to her husband, and said, "You want to be appreciated too, and know I appreciate you."   He cried.