WHO WE REALLY ARE

A resolution to love oneself.  What a good idea.  When people I know, or come to know,
no matter their age, step back from there public selves, the part that others easily see, often they silently reveal a need to love themselves, and are judgmental of who they think they are and what they have done.  No matter how much money they have, what they have done in life, whether famous or not, they carry a belief deep down that they are not good enough, no matter what. 

It's a cultural thing.  It's a religious thing.  It's a school thing, something we all learn: that no matter what we do, or who we are, we tend to believe we are never quite good enough.  Not true, but it is a common belief. 

As we come to remember who we are inside, the us that was born innocent and kind and connected to everyone, we exhale and remember the truth.  What happens when someone sees, really sees you, or I, inside, behind the personality and that public self we have learned to display, to be part of what some may refer to as consensus reality?
 
Instead of the term loving oneself, I suggest a different term, or words.  Instead of loving myself, I listen to myself.  I pay attention to familiar feelings and beliefs that separate me from others....feelings that only exist in the body, not the mind.  I can tune into that feeling sensation (for seconds or a minute) that remind me to show up now, be present, be aware of the familiar pattern that I have reacted to since a child. 

Loving myself is all about awareness.  Self awareness. Aware of all my body sensations, feelings and thoughts that accompany that feeling, then take a different action.   The actions include being silent instead of reacting.  Feeling a feeling without need to explain it or speak of it.

And, only speak when I can be heard.  Only then.  Notice when I am judging, making someone else wrong, blaming, and then simply and quietly let them be in my mind.   Maybe this is loving others, an action that I can take daily.  From this perspective, I don't need to love myself.  Not when I am loving others more often.  Loving them means letting them be in my thoughts.  Then I am not loving myself, I am simply being.  It's a practice.
A daily, hourly practice.  

COMING HOME

I think we all ought to come together: meaning becoming more inclusive, welcoming others into our homes and lives, especially our children no matter their age.  This individual, separate, find a career, move away from family or people you love being around, to do it on your own, be independent, earn lots of money, own a home, save for the future, take sides in conflicts and politics and decide who is right and who is wrong, simply goes in circles, leaving me or you constantly searching out something better or more than we have, holding a belief that whatever we do, is never quite good enough, wanting whatever it is we do not have, often unaware that what we have now is what we wanted before.

Just what if we believed that friends, people we know that are easy to be with, mothers, fathers,
grandparents, children, all thought it would be a good thing to live in one home, or close by in a neighborhood, knowing that there is a satisfying bigger community then just a city with people spread out all over, or even states away, staying connected only by phone or email, yet deeply heartfully
longing for daily connection, familiarity, love, and the beauty of being cared about, and caring for
those around us, frequently, daily, all the time, an awareness that as humans, or as most creatures on land and sea,  (money can fill banks), while people can touch one another, calm fears, open hearts and dissolve most symptoms of the body and mind......living amongst each other in close proximity, with others that have noticed the relative peacefulness of knowing we matter.  We simply matter. 

FREE OF REACTING

I'm being serious.  I have almost mastered the art of not having to be right, or needing to react to others, no matter what.   I decided that Reacting to others is totally up to me. Not reacting is freeing and requires nothing of anyone else.  Not reacting is a third way to be in the world.  The first and second require taking sides, deciding who is right and who is wrong.  Not reacting, the third way, demands I see through your eyes and mine, simultaneously.  I do not have to woman up or man up to
stay connected, or in relationship with you. 

This third way is a relief.  I can go to a place inside me where I do not have to be right,  prove anything or even insist you hear my side of things.  I'd like you to. yet, if you are unable to hear me, or see my perspective, at least I can practice feeling old reactive sensations in my body, knowing I will be fine, and free, if I hold space for you.  Just hold space. Meaning, I will listen and hear you (for a few minutes), and hold no requirement that you be able to hear me.  The third way has no requiremnt of fairness.

This is my personal work.  It's about stepping back from learned beliefs not my own.  It is a daily practice.  It can be fun to go beyond what I think emotionally possible.   I am a bit more free now. 

LIVING WITHOUT WORRY

I have another intention now.   To not worry.  I admit, I worry about this one.  I worry about learning to not have to worry.  Worry takes up so much of my time even when I am not aware of it.   Then suddenly, I realize I am worrying.  It is such an endless going nowhere, process.

I learned to believe that worry is normal, natural and part of being alive....or not being alive,  Not sure about that last one yet? I asked myself, "what would I do if I Could not worry.  Not that I wouldn't, but if I absolutely could not worry if I wanted to. "I would just be here with what is happening in each moment," was the response.  The worry voice came in right away, "Oh sure, read another book about power of now, be here now, and stuff about being present.  Uh huh." 

I made a commitment, like an adventure, to free myself of worry.  Worrying feels like walking on water with lead shoes,  I decided to practice not worrying, or at least notice when I am. I’ve given myself permission to believe there is a way to go through the day without the act of worry consuming my energy. and listening to beliefs not my own.  Worry goes in circles and resolves nothing, ever.  Not worrying is an adventure in going beyond what seems impossible,

 It’s a practice, a personal skill of trusting that moments will happen no matter what I attempt to control.   The inspiration is to be free. 

CELEBRATE CHILDREN

The five teachers opened the parent conference for our 13-year old son with the words, "We are all meeting here today to celebrate  your son."  I welled up with tears hearing the word Celebrate.   No one mentioned deficiencies or how he needed to improve, or be better, think of his future, or in some way, not be quite good enough yet.  There was no mention of grades, tests, college or rules broken.  Then again, this school doesn't use grades to measure people.  They use relationship, creativity, respect, personal connection and engagement.

For ten minutes, with out son present, we heard what was right about him.  It was not so much the content of what they said; it was more their calm and soft tone of voice, and their way of seeing children and the world - people wanting to do right, to be connected, inclusive, kind and creative.

I wondered what life would have been like for me had all my teachers seen what was right about me?  Whay joy that would have been.  So, I can do it now myself for others.  After the teachers finished, I  was asked if I had any questions.  "There is nothing to add," I replied.  "For our son to be around you folks all day long is all I could ever want."  

BEING THE IMPOSSIBLE: CHANGE

"There is a place within us where our daily life story can only go so far.  Attempting to understand, work out, find solutions, and feel better about a person or a situation, becomes .........ummmm, boring.   If not boring, at least appearing to be hopeless.   Believing we are lost, struggling, and "not doing what we should be doing, or not good enough yet," becomes a daily worry thought.   It can take us over.  We tend to be so familiar with blame, fear and the belief that something is missing in our lives, that to do anything other than feel victimized and wronged, seems not only impossible, but not even an option.

   So what to do?  We can Switch movies.  Just like a multiplex theater.  We  be the change we want and expect in others, any others, the closer the better.  The practice is simple, yet can feel impossible--- outside the possibility of any human being.  

We decide to hold space for everyone, everyone--- no matter who they are, what they believe, or what we believe they have done to us, .  Being the change, all by ourselves, works immediately.  It is a Shamanic act.  You demonstrate by action rather than dialog.  Tension dissolves.  And when it does, you’re inspired to do it again.  It gets easier, and soon mind thoughts and words,  have less influence.  It is then that our  intuition, hearts, and knowing self, kick in automatically.

  Instead of "waiting," we lead by living it, no matter what.  No matter what.   Global warming "out there" becomes heart warming inside you."

BABY AND THE WORLD

So what does a father and his six-month-old baby have to do with what is going on in the world between countries, governments and political chaos?  They do.  They just do  A father walked by me in a crowded little cafe, pushing a traditional carriage with his young six-month old boy lying flat on his back looking up in wonder....calm, silent and, just there.

The scene itself wasn't unusual, except the father was calm too.  They matched each other.  As they walked by, the father was having a quiet, easy respectful conversation with the boy.  I relaxed inside just being around them. They were with each other completely, their eyes touching. I didn't hear the words spoken.  I simply noticed his soft voice, gentle and equal, as if knowing the six-month-old person was already a full, total and whole human being.   Size and age did not divide them.  In the midst of the busyness and chaos around them, they were with each other completely.    

Witnessing the dad and his young son, reminded me to slow down and be where I am, over and over again………..and how children and adults of any age, and size, can always be.  They showed up in my world to remind me to be still inside, and make connection with everyone, or know when I am not……so I can be still again.  The world "out there" will feel it, even if I don't fully believe it will.