SOFT HEARTS:

I continue to find that men in our culture, almost all, including me, are brought up in ways by the parents, schools, and culture, to be harder than they are inside. My own journey with softening, and finding the Yes in people, required lots of experience judging others, and a carrying of beliefs not my own, unaware I was carrying them. 

 When many of us "males" get down to tears, we are free. Really free. Getting to those tears, which represent our hearts shining through, requires a softness greater than our own, if for only moments. Our tears transcend judgment, make wrong, and all our learned beliefs. Our tears, or at least moments close to them, break the cultural trance, and all the teaching we received from our parents, teachers and bosses. 

Three women in my life, saw through my hardness and coldness, and blame stuff.   One male friend did too. It only took moments for me to discover that I was holding a belief, an attitude, a "distance" from those around me. It took a few people, and still does, that see me inside, (the hidden innocence), and have the gift of holding silence and space for a minute while I rant, blame or find fault. That quiet heartful space allows and invites me to come home to myself....the self when I was a very little child.  

Emotionally safe is what is required.  It is as though whatever I say with my mouth is less important than holding me, remembering who I really am inside, and
knowing that my blame and judgment are a protective shield I developed when young....surviving a world of parents, teachers often finding me wrong, or not quite good enough....or a sea of rolling eyes when I felt deeply. There is no one to blame in this evolving world, only to thank for bringing my awareness to the surface, where I can feel it. 


 

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The little boy

LINDA WORLDTURNER: WHAT IS SACRED?

It was Linda Worldturner, an 18-year-old Lakota-Sioux Native woman who taught me that everything in life is about relationship, and, what that looks like when practiced daily.  Linda grew up on the Rosebud reservation in South Dakota.  Her home life was filled with alcohol, drugs, violence and stuff that can destroy the spirit.  Yet, for whatever reason, her spirit soared  

 

When I first met Linda at a unique program for, what were referred to as American Indians, I was just a standard white guy who grew up in L.A. on sandy beaches,long freeways and an awareness of Native people only from the movies.  Linda shared her life story once, and never again.  She didn’t need to.  Instead, she practiced connecting with everyone, even the all white staff that tended to hold Native people as needing to be civilized. 

By watching Linda interact with people of any age, color or racial belief, I saw what sacred looks like when practiced, and lived.  Relationship, I learned, wasn’t just about getting to know someone, or living with another person.  It is a way to be in life daily with all people, all the time, everywhere.  Without using or thinking the word sacred, I came to practice, more often, relating to people as sacred no matter what they believed, or who they were. .   

Linda never spoke of these things.  She simply smiled often, looked into your eyes and and cared for everyone.