WHAT IS IT ABOUT CHILDREN?

What is it about children? I mean, who are these little people that come into our lives, sometimes unexpectedly, more often with great anticipation? At birth, we hold and embrace and kiss them a lot. We protect and care for them. We love them unconditionally. We appreciate their innocence, laughter, play and ability to let us take care of them.

What do they bring out in us big people that tends to be so kind, compassionate, playful, soft, trusting and safe? Could it be true that children, from birth, can see quite naturally, who we really are inside, separate from our personality, clothes we wear, beliefs we carry, or work we do, or don't do? Could it be that children instinctively see beyond our personal self doubts, learned beliefs about parenting, and the ways we were all taught we were supposed to be? .

What happens to us and them, as they begin to walk and talk and become part of our planned schedules? What is going on here that the children in our lives that we cherish so, would do anything for, and once felt so overjoyed to be around,, may gradually start to appear more frustrating to us, distant, inconvenient, even less cherished? What is that about?

If we have conflicts, where do they come from? What is different? Why, if it has, does the world of school, chores, expectations, and what other people think, seem to take over the family, and bring up our greatest fears as parents, and often seem so frustrating, to the point where schooling and expectations often become the dominant part of family life? What is going on here? Are we as adults and parents caught in our own fears about the future? If so, are we aware of how these fears may be driving and separating us? Are we still able to hold, embrace and kiss them a lot, care for them, love them unconditionally, and appreciate their innocence, laughter, and ability to let us protect and take care of them?

Are we seeing children as who they are, or what we expect them to be? Don't answer that.
Well, answer it. What if the children everywhere are saying, "I don't need you to be with me. I need you to be with yourself. When you are with yourself, you are with me." When you are with yourself.......you are with me.

MISSY and STOREY : Going Over The Edge

An Introduction: Missy and Storey are both fourteen years of age, yet ageless.....(meaning they are beyond any category, identity or need for labels based on age or gender.) They are students at Village Free School in Portland, Oregon. This story describes what took place recently when they asked to meet with other students and friends to bring attention to, and practice, telling the truth directly to each other, rather than around each other,

The story describes what evolved and ultimately transcended everyday ways we often communicate with people around us, regardless of age or role. They went to the heart of relationships. A Native American friend once reminded me: "Everything in life is about relationship." Storey and Missy demonstrated what this looks like.

The Story: No one spoke. In their discomfort, the students gazed silently at the floor. No one knew what to say or do next. Storey, a 14 year old young woman, broke the silence as she addressed the seven other female and male teenagers sitting in the room.

"I asked that we all meet," she began in a strong clear voice, looking directly into the the eyes of each person, "because people talk about me behind my back. I want you all to talk to me directly to my face. I might feel hurt and react, but I will get through it. Behind my back makes me angry and I can't trust you. I don't feel safe. If there is something you want me to know, tell me personally and directly. I want that."

A few of the young people shuffled a bit. One defended himself. Another offered explanations. A 16-year old blamed Storey, accusing her of being too sensitive. Explanations, blame and growing tension filled the room. More silence. Storey took a deep breath, and in the same clear voice without blame -- sounding like a blend of request and command, repeated, "talk to me directly. I want that." Her eyes glanced around the room, searching for a clue that she was being heard. She apparently saw none. Believing she was not heard, she leaned forward slightly, appearing defeated, frustrated, not knowing what to do next.

Minutes passed in tense silence. One person stood, and walked out of the room. Missy, a tall 5'10" 14-year-old young woman suddenly sat up in her chair. Her abrupt movement captured everyone's attention. Her facial expression transcended her age; as though something in her, or beyond her, was taking charge. All eyes were on Missy, sensing she was about to say or do something no one had done before at this school, or possibly any other. Everyone looked up in anticipation, waiting, expecting.

Methodically, slowly, Missy made eye contact with each person, one at at time, pausing long enough to capture their full attention before moving on to the next. With the connection made, she turned in her chair to face Storey. Missy was calm and committed. No one moved. No one spoke. Her facial expression implied, "You will hear me. This is the truth of things."

Missy's eyes met Storey's, and held.

"Storey," I love you, she began. "I love you." Storey was visibly uncomfortable. Missy paused until her words were received, then repeated, "I love you Storey." Storey's eyes moistened. A few tears formed. Again, silence.

Missy turned to face the next person. "David, I love you. I love you David." David seemed embarrassed, yet remained silent. ”I love you……..I love you," she repeated to the young person sitting next to David, then paused long enough for her words to be received. The young woman shifted a little, but her eyes remained transfixed to Missy. Missy's expression was beyond serious. It demanded to be heard and believed.

With each person, Missy repeated the words, "I love you." Missy's little sister, Katie, for the first time in her young life, began to quietly share the feelings she carried inside her about herself and her world. Everyone listened. Simply listened and heard her words and fears, and feelings. That was all that needed to happen...simply listen and hear each voice without comment, advice, or judgment.

When Missy said I love you to the last person, no one spoke. The room was quiet and free from tension.....Only Silence. Feelings. Stillness.